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I can't stand my sister, please help.

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Patrick 4 months ago.

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  • #197825

    Rei
    Participant

    Up until about a few years, I had a healthy-ish relationship with my younger sister. We talked on and off and enjoyed each other's company. She became very harsh and rude once she was in 4th-5th grade, while I was is like 7th. I'm now in highschool and it has only gotten worse. She's 13 now. Every day she degrades me and calls me names when I'm doing my makeup or simply looking at myself in the mirror. She will call me fat and ugly, knowing that I'm very thin and used to  have an eating disorder and also struggled with self confidence. I thought it was temporary but it always gets worse. In 2016 I attempted suicide and if anything you'd think she'd be very distressed about the thought of losing your only sister, but she didn't care. She constantly brings up my suicide attempt and jokes about it along with using it to hurt me in arguments. She's even said multiple times that she wishes I would've died. It hurts me. She never visited me when I was in the hospital, only my brother. I feel like I'm nothing to her. I always thought that it was a phase for her. Maybe she feel's like her being so cold makes her a badass or maybe she is insecure about herself and feels the need to tear me down. Every day I cry to my parents telling them that I can't stand how she treats me and that I hate her. They always get upset with me and tell me that its just how sisters are and that I shouldn't hate her but this has gotten so out of hand that I don't believe it's some sort of sisterly feud anymore. I can proudly say that I have<i> never </i>said anything mean to her. I don't retaliate at her rude comments and I don't show that it hurts me when she treats me poorly. I was bullied as a child and so I'm not gonna bully my own sister! I just hate her. Hate is a strong word, but I feel like it's rightfully used in this situation. I've never met anyone who makes me feel so empty and alone. I really need a coping mechanism to just help me accept that this wont change. I need help on how to get over her.

    #197837

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Rei:

    I don't see a way for you “to get over her” for as long as you live with her and for as long as she continue to mistreat you as she has been doing for a while. There is no way I know of to be mistreated and not mind it.

    I know of only one way to feel okay and when a person mistreats you and that is to have no contact with the mistreating party, to not be there for the mistreatment.

    You told your parents, and unfortunately not only did they not help you but told you that you shouldn't be angry (or very angry, which is what hate is, as I understand it) with the person who is mistreating you. It would have been helpful if they asserted themselves with your sister, their daughter, and demanded that she will not mistreat you and then follow through and make sure that she doesn't.

    It is only natural to feel angry when mistreated.

    Do you have any idea what is fueling your sister's anger (anger that, reads to me, is not about anything you did wrong to her)?

    anita

    #197963

    Patrick
    Participant

    Hey Rei,

    If you have tried everything to make the situation better and she still won't make attempts to be nice to you then ignore her. Just live your life and she can live hers. I know that's harsh and I know you want the situation to be better but if she's not trying then you'd be better off just ignoring her. Live your life. Go out with friends and keep positive people around you. People that will make you feel better about yourself and not people that will put you down. Rei life is going to throw curve balls at you and believe me I've dodged a few in my life myself. But don't let your sister treat you like that. Just ignore her and maybe one day she will get the picture and be like “damn I shouldn't have treated her that way” and try to make things right. Sounds like you have tried to make things right but it's like beating  dead horse, waste of time!

     

    Hope this gives you some inspiration!

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