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I don’t know if he feels the same

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  • #201193
    Sierra
    Participant

    This may be dumb to think about, but I definitely have a crush and I just don’t know how to feel.

    So about a month ago, him and I talked at a party, we had SO much in common because we know so many of the same people and we got along well. On top of that, we also made out and we exchanged numbers and Instagram. He’s in my college English class, so we’d see each other every week. It was weird cause when I left that party I was swooped off my feet and I don’t know why!

    So weeks go by and he doesn’t do anything to show he’s interested, so I assume that he doesn’t like me. But one day, he adds me on Snapchat. I didn’t overthink that  too much because I was trying not to over anylize. The next week I was sitting alone in the cafeteria, and this random guy comes up to me and asks if I know about his friend (the guy I like, we’ll call him Shoe). And he started talking to me about how Shoe is scared to talk to me because I never smile at him in the halls, and that Shoe wants to invite me to a show that he is hosting. I was freaking out cause he told his friends about me and I kind of had a feeling he did! His friend said “stay here 15 minutes, I’m gonna go get Shoe so you guys can talk.” So I waited and they showed up. My other friend who’s a girl sat with me too and we all began to talk. He was staring intensely in her eyes and he didn’t really look at me. But I saw his body movements and he kept on inching towards me, and eventually we began to talk and it was fun. He remembered so many details about me I told him at the party, and claimed it was his good memory since he’s an actor. My friend and I left the conversation and she said “wow he seems really into you.” I still didn’t read too much into it.

    That weekend he sent me a Snapchat saying that he was at my work super late at night, we had a short conversation but he didn’t reply after one Snapchat because it was hard to reply to so I understood.

    Id catch him glance at me occasionally in the halls. My friend told me that he mentioned me to  one of my coworkers and that he brought me up a lot and that he seemed interested. I thought that maybe I should just take my chance.

    I accidentally MISSED my chance and I went home that night disappointed. But then an opportunity arises for me to text him. He posted an Instagram story saying “if you wanna buy tickets for my show just DM me.” So I did. We actually had a funny convo. He even kept it going and I was afraid he was gonna wanna keep it short.

    The next day we met up, but he barely looked at me and I did the same too. He began to talk to my friends and asked them about the show as we awkwardly exchanged tickets and money.

    But right after talking, he sent me a text asking if he can come to my photography class to take pictures. I said sure no problem! But then he didn’t end up coming because he was caught filming for his show. He texted me saying he was extremely sorry and that if I needed him he’d model for my project. We set up a day for Wednesday, and we actually had another great conversation that was funny.

    Last night I went out, and he happened to be at the same bar. The first person I see when I walk in was his friend, and he came up to me and said “hey! How are you? By the way, Shoe is upstairs!” I was so happy! I found it random how he randomly brought Shoe up to me. But then, I saw him talking to other girls, I told myself  he was flirting with them. I obviously felt jealous cause you know, I think he isn’t interested. I saw him glance over to me while he was talking to the girl, but I still told myself not to think too much of it. I saw his friend again, and he said “Hey, there’s your boyfriend Shoe!” I was like “boyfriend?” And he said “yes your boy!” So I don’t know what that was about.

    Eventually, we were at the bar in a group and he asked me a question about the modeling shoot. He took a lot of shots of tequila too. So he ended up being really drunk but he was nice.

    My friend was trying to get us to to dance together, and so was his friend. We ended up dancing together and damn it was hot. We ended up having  conversation and he was asking me questions and we got along super well it was cute. His friend came up to us and said “hey you guys are doing so much talking!” He even headbuded me by accident and kissed my forehead. I STILL can’t read into that cause he was pretty drunk. My friend pulled me away from him and said “no you deserve better. He’s been talking to so many girls tonight, don’t buy into it.”

    After a bit we ended up meeting up again and his friend mentioned the girl’s name that he was talking to before. It made me sad a bit. We started to dance again and ugh it was cute and fun. At some point I made him sit down cause he looked gone. We locked eyes for a moment and he really stared at my eyes hard. I don’t know if I misunderstood the situation, or that he was just drunk or that maybe he was actually  staring. I went to get him water but when I came back he got up and left to be with his friends. I wasn’t too offended because he was super drunk. At some point his friend said they were going because Shoe wasn’t feeling to good.

    This girl told me he could have been trying to make me jealous with the other girl, but I doubt it. There’s just a lot  signs that he’s into me but then I don’t know. He mentioned me a lot to his friend, and he’s tried to smile at me in the hall but I was the cold one. At the bar he’d walk by me like I’m not there, but then I’d catch him look when I walk into a room. And when we spoke it was really just us.

    I also got warnings from people saying that he’s really thirsty. I really took that to heart cause then all this cancels out and all he wants is to use me. But some of my other friends said to be cautious but not to judge right away, and maybe I have to experience him first before I can actually know. Shoe’s friend told me that she wants to be my “good friend” and get to know me. Sometimes I believe it, but last night left me SO confused. I’m scared I come off as like creepy or something. Or that maybe he knows I like him. I’m not too sure anymore.

    Please help!

     

    #201213
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sierra:

    Welcome back.

    I think that you are confused because the situation is confusing. Shoe’s behavior is confusing, so is the friend’s behavior, the one who has been encouraging the relationship that hasn’t yet started.

    Why is Shoe expressing an interest in you to other people, why not to you directly. What is the motivation of the friend encouraging the relationship that didn’t yet materialize?

    These two questions you can ask: ask Shoe the first and the friend, the second question. Or wait for Shoe to express an interest in you directly and clearly. No need to be guessing and looking for signs that way.

    Here is a possibility: maybe Shoe is a troubled young man and the friend is trying to… help him out somehow.

    anita

    #201219
    Sierra
    Participant

    Hello again:)

     

    I do believe that Shoe is inexperienced. He just turned 18, and he is doing the things he wanted to do.

    From what people tell me, they think that maybe he isn’t the best with girls and maybe his friend is trying to help him.

    Im honestly kind of nervous for our session Wednesday. I don’t know if it’ll be awkward or actually really great. Do I show him I’m interested or will he think I’m weird?

    I do just wanna wait for him to make a move. It may be a while, but I’m honestly not ready for a resl relationship. I would like to be friends with him first, we hang out occasionally, and maybe if things go further they do. But I actually want to aim for friendship. I hope he does too!

    #201221
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sierra:

    As you worry about him thinking you are weird, he may be worrying about you thinking he is weird.

    I agree it is best to be friends with him first. That way you will have the opportunity to get to know him, to learn what he thinks and feels about himself and about you, over time.

    anita

    #201237
    Sierra
    Participant

    Thank you for the advice, and for understanding my rant. I needed to clear everything out because I’ve been keeping it in, and I feel much better now.

     

    Thank you,

    sierra:)

     

    #201299
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sierra:

    You are welcome. Feeling much better is a good thing. Post again anytime.

    anita

    #202305
    Sierra
    Participant

    Hey again!

     

    So Shoe and I have spent some time together this  week.

    In class, my friend kept telling me “Sierra, he keeps staring up here, I’m pretty sure he’s staring at you.” And even other people in my group project said he was looking up here. At some point he even came and started watching my team perform and I felt him staring at me.

    My friend just said that “everytime you walk in or out of the room he looks at you right away. He’s obviously interested.”

    The day before, I walked by him and his friends in the  hall and his friend said to me “Hey, I know you!” I said “haha hey I know you too.” Shoe then asked me “so where do we meet up tomorrow for the photoshoot?” His friend then said “meet up against the lockers so you guys can make out.” I responded “you can meet me in English class.” And his friend started to tease and say “ouuuu look! Shoe is talking to a cute girl. Shoe look at you talking to a cute girl.”

    His friend always teases him about me! I read that it’s a sign that Shoe could possibly like me. I just feel like he’s a natural flirt, just like a super suave Latino that charms a lot of girls so I don’t know, maybe he might like me a little more as things just point me to think that.

    We had a photoshoot and we spent like a full 3 hours together. We were getting to know one another so well that time went by really quickly (unless it did just for me). He asked me a lot of personal questions and I feel like that’s a very big sign. He asked things like “so tell me all about you” or  “tell me some stories we’ve got a lot of time” or “so what are you like.” He asked me so many questions I began re-evaluating myself at times ?.

    He mentioned this girl that we both know. He asked “Hey, you know this girl right?” I said “yes, we sit next to one another in Spanish class!” And he nodded as if he already knew that me and her sat next to each other. To me it seemed like he talked to her about me.

    He even stood up for me when this teacher was being rude to me. I don’t know if it was a “I’m truijg to show off my manliness” or it was a genuine act of being nice and helping me out. During the shoot he’d act kinda sexy, I wasn’t sure if it was just for the photos or he was trying to show off in front of me.

    He just did little things that sometimes I wonder. He keeps asking me about his hair and if I think a certain hairstyle would look good. He may just be self obsessed?

    Also at the end of our day together, he came in and gave me a hug when I really was not expecting him too because I didn’t think he’d want to.

    My friend told me she saw him talking to this other girl later that day (the girl he talked to at the bar that I mentioned in my other post). She said it looked super friendly and nothing flirty as he wasn’t sitting next to her directly but I still felt jealous. I also remembered that he’s a single man and if he wants to talk to others of course he can but I guess it still sucks:’)

    Before his show, he noticed me walking and he looked away from me. It was in a way where I knew he noticed me but I think he was a too shy to make eye contact. Or maybe I’m just dreaming who knows.

    Also, after his show yesterday, he came up to me and thanked me for coming and we both hugged again!

    I again need to get things off my chest as it helps my mind clear. But now I don’t know what to do. I feel like the photoshoot was my last chance to really talk to him. My friends told me that they feel that we’re probably gonna talk again! I really hope he wants to try and keep me around. I wanna make a first move but I’m afraid he might be weirded out as he seems the type to be extremely friendly with everyone. He’s supposed to collect the pictures I took of him from me but I’m not sure if I should text him or wait so he texts me.

    There’s also many MANY coincidences that I’m just super taken back by. I’m trying not to let those get to me as they could just be happy coincidences and nothing more, but I keep them in mind.

    Do I just let things be or maybe try to communicate or send signals in some way.

     

    Thank you!

    Sierra

    #202331
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sierra:

    You asked: “Do I just let things be or maybe try to communicate or send signals in some way”-

    my answer: communicate clearly, with words. Ask him: are you interested in a relationship? are you interested in a relationship with me?

    Any one of these questions is clear enough, direct and clear. I don’t like sending signals or looking for signals. Why bother with signals if we have words available?

    anita

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by anita.
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