Dear Sraymonmy:

Wikipedia has a very long entry on In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). Under “Success Rates” it lists 46.7% pregnancies and 40.7% live births for women under 35 in the US from a 2012 survey (Society for Reproductive Medicine). Percentages increase with multiple attempts. Under Complications it points to multiple births as the major complication, and adds that “Recent evidence also suggest that singleton offspring after IVF is at higher risk for lower birth rate for unknown reason.”

Later it reads: “An IVF-associated incidence of cerebral palsy and neurodevelopmental delay are believed to be related to the confounders of prematurity and low birthweight.”

Regarding your particular circumstances: reads to me like a very bad idea to proceed with this man whom you married for this purpose. Reads to me, clearly, that undoing the marriage and ending contact with him (and not proceeding with the IVF with this man) is best choice.

The dream of being a (biological) mother has been very intense for you, but proceeding with a man you absolutely do not want in your life is and will become a very intense negative experience as well, an experience that will negatively affect a child who is by nature, very sensitive to his mother’s distress.

I hope you post again with your thoughts and feelings.

anita