I have been reading your posts and suggestions on Tiny Buddha. I really need your help.
i have been reading through this site quite often. i am a 31 year old married girl and today i am here to share my problem. i will surely keep it short. i had 2 relationships in my past. each one last for 4 years. i was involved emotionally as well as physically in both. i always took it serious and gave my 100 percent. but none of them worked. 1st one dint work coz my parents dint allow. i was in my teens and it looked all like a dreamy world. when parents said no, he also dint do anything to convince them. had ego and he dint remain in contact. i as a teen was pressurized to keep quite. i also did not fight for my love.2nd dint work because things were not good between me and my bf. He always had a doubt as i had told him abt my 1st relationship. i always accepted my mistake and surrendered him as only i needed was love, emotional support and care. my parents never did. they were busy in solving their own problems and never understood what i was going through. i also never realised what i was suppose to do. i always went with the flow.both guys came proposed and i said yes. the 2nd bf ended because he was not sure about me and till today i never understood why did he ended. he use to smoke a lot and was addicted to majjuana(grass). and things ended without any note. when this ended i was working. later i dnt have any affair till 2 years when i met a colleague and we fell in love. this was more of friendship than any that happened before. we went around roamed around spent good time together. he is shy and talks less, hardly shouts. i dint tell him about my affairs. we decided to get married. he asked my dad and family who said no. this time i was sure that dis bf will never let me down as he was quite and calm and not of furious nature like 2nd bf. he was ready for a court marriage. i was also so eager and curious to get ahead of just friendship so we both did a court marriage and then informed parents. both parents later agreed. things were good and sweet till 1st 2 years. we were not much in physical pleasure. and it gradually started diminishing. he never was romantic as its his nature. when we married we were friends n dint have actually any romantic kind of dates. we use to meet talk. but nvr came so close that we could get physical. its 5 years now and all i remember having physical intimacy 2 with him 3 years back.
i always missed the physical intimacy and pleasure, the caring in small small things, the pamper of my both ex. all these feelings were never there in my married life.
2 years back i joined a new company where my colleague started hiting on me. we shared messages, jokes and became too frank to get into physical. we did and i was on cloud 9. he is also married and now has a kid(8 months old). this continued till one ahd a half year untill since last 6 months we have not been seeing each other much. there is no sharing of messages, jokes, chats. it has reduced. i always get upset and talk about it but then that turned into argument and then we dint talk for a while. this is happening tiday also. we dont talk much. he says i complain a lot. but then i can make out that things are changing ….he does not appreciate my looks as often as earlier…those naughty comments are no more…no going out on dinners and coffee…rather it has reduced….things have started fading. every time i think of somthing unusual happening (the change) i speak out and then the argument starts. now i am scared to even say hi. i dont talk untill he talks to me. i have become so dependent on him that i stop working if things are not ok. this is all about i am going through. i dont think i can find a solution on my own. please help.