Dear Masood Khan:

There is no simple answer to your question. What I understand about your situation is this:

Your parents immigrated to the U.S., Texas, from another country, a conservative country. They were afraid that kids your age in Texas will get you into alcohol and drugs and girls, so they kept you inside the house. You were almost like a prisoner, alone in the house. They were probably working a lot and you had nothing to do at home. You watched a lot of TV and played games, over and over again. All along you very much wanted to have friends. You craved friends. You wished you could have friends over in your house and that you can visit friends in their house. But you couldn’t.

After spending so much time alone, when you became old enough and your parents relaxed their fears some, and allowed you to have friends, you went all out with friends: finally you could have what you always wanted. You are thrilled having friends, it is the best thing ever!

But when your time with friends is over and you are back in the house, the old loneliness comes back, that lonely kid that you were is back and you don’t like it. You get desperate and look forward to the next time you will be with friends.

Maybe you want to move to New York or Tokyo because you don’t want to be home anymore, but you are afraid not to have the friends you so desperately need.

So you want to know how you can do it, how you can move away from the home of your lonely childhood. Am I correct so far?

anita

Dear Masood,
Apologies for the late reply. There’s a chance you may not get your answer until the opportunity arises. For example, if you did get accepted to a University that was a few hours away, maybe you would be so excited about this new opportunity that you would put your dependency aside in order to not let this opportunity pass you by. But if you believe that you would stay where you are because of your friends you should try and think about what you want in life long-term. Think about the career you wish to have, the new relationships you want to create and so on. Remember, that your real friends will always be your friend no matter where you are. You can visit when you can which makes time spent together much more valuable. Has there been opportunities in the past that you feel you missed due to your dependency? When you are busy with your hobbies do you find you are lonely while doing them or does this feeling happen once you’re finished? If you are unhappy with things as they are now I agree that exiting your comfort zone is a good idea. But I wouldn’t do too much too soon. Think of something that you feel you are avoiding due to dependency on others and break it into small steps.
I was very similar to you as well…and I still sometimes catch myself going back to my old ways. but that’s ok. I just recognize what’s happen, accept it, and move forward. For ex, a week had gone by when I realized I hadn’t spent one day in my house. I spent all 7 days either with my boyfriend, sister, or friends. After this realization I made sure I spent the next day at home and realized how much I missed my “alone” time. If I started to feel lonely, I reminded myself that my friends and family are still there, still love me, and I was choosing to spend this time alone.
One more thing, I notice you say “dependency on friends” and also “attention from others”. Do you view these as the same thing or do you feel these are 2 separate issues?