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I feel like nothing ever gets better and life only gets harder

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #406131
    Sam
    Participant

    Hi guys,

    I have never posted anything like this online, but I have not been able to deal with how hard life is and always has been really.  I just have never had a break from things not going right.  I always work really hard, and I can’t deal with my job or living situation anymore.

    When Covid started my work hours were reduced and I had issues with crazy neighbors that lived above me and I ended up leaving my apartment and moving in with my sister.  I lived here before as well when I was in college and when I started my first job.  I get along with my sister, but her negativity has been out of control and she goes into rants every few minutes about how she hates everyone on earth, wishes everyone would die, and also wishes she were dead too.  It has been affecting my metal health too and I feel like I cannot stay here any longer, but I can’t afford a place on my own.  I also have no one to really talk to lately. I have never been able to make many friends and was bullied a lot as a child so have always been shy.  I have one friend currently and she is usually busy with her kids.

    My current job has also been affecting my ability to cope with life in general. Currently I work at a company that has financial problems and my pay is low for the industry and the amount of experience I have and too low to afford rent anywhere.  I have been trying to find a new job for over 2 years now and nothing has panned out.  I also completed a certificate program in another industry and the workload was unbearable toward the end of my class.  I haven’t been able to find a path forward in the new career field either and and am dealing with a way too heavy workload in my current job.  My entire team left the company and my manager is in a different country.  I asked to be promoted to the same level as my former co-worker, but I was told that have to take on more responsibility- even though I already have taken on the responsibilities of all the former team members.  It has been overwhelming and I really want to quit but feel like I can’t.

    I am also dealing with health issues that have not been resolved even after surgery I had 2 years ago. I’ve had these health issues for a longtime and I did not find a doctor that could help until only 3 years ago.  Everything just keeps getting worse even after surgery.  I found a new doctor and I am sure that I need another surgery soon.   I feel like I need to quit my job, but  I would loose my medical benefits so feel tied down. I feel like my inability to cope with life lately has made it harder for me to deal with interviewing at different places as well.  I feel like I can’t understand or even answer questions that I would not normally have trouble with.  It seems like I will never find another job or one that I will even like.  I had even more issues in my past job which I don’t think I need to go into, but I just feel like nothing will ever work out for me.  Everytime I have started a new position and even when I got my own place, it always seemed like things would change for the better, but they never have.

    I have always tried to keep positive, but I can’t seem to solve of my problems and feel like I am in an endless loop.  What can I do to get out of this?  Has anyone been able to get out of this type of situation where life problems just pile up?  It doesn’t seem like there is any way out and I have been lost for a very long time.

    #406137
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sam:

    Yes, I too was lost for a very long time. I too had crazy-making neighbors, very loud late into the night and early in the morning, leaving me a very short window of opportunity to rest. I too suffered from a ranting, hateful family member (my mother). The way out- is one step at a time, applying good sense and a measure of optimism. Luck also has a part in it. If you would like to share: what are your health problems, and about how old are you? Anything you choose to add will help me understand better and reply further.

    anita

    #406140
    Sam
    Participant

    Thanks Anita. My health issues are quite personal. I’m 31.

    #406142
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Sam

    I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties with health issues, the stressful underlying job and your living situation. It is unfortunate that you were bullied as a child too and this trauma has led to you having difficulty making friends.

    I can see how all of this stress has affected you and you deserve all of the credit in the world for trying your hardest to manage these situations and maintain a positive attitude.

    Life is difficult for a lot of people and we all have our own stressors. Personally, I find that working on my mental health has been beneficial and I’m better able to tolerate stress than I used to.

    There is a saying that I believe fits your situation. “How do you eat an elephant…? One bite at a time.”

    Your actions are the only thing that you can control. As difficult and tiring the situation you will continue to do your best to solve these problems.

    Do you have any ideas for next steps yet?

    You mentioned that the stress has begun to n impact your performance in interviews. Can you provide some more detail about this? I wonder if there is a strategy that could be made to handle these difficult questions during interviews?

    I hope that you are practising self care and making time to relax while dealing with all of these stresses. Your cup empty from stress need to be refilled.

    #406152
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sam:

    You are welcome. Chronologically re-arranged, you shared that you were bullied a lot as a child, and as a result, you have always been shy and never made many friends. When you went to college and when you started your first job, you lived with your sister. Sometime during your 20s, you began suffering from certain health issues. After a long time of suffering, back in 2019,  you finally found a doctor who was willing to help you, and you had a surgery in 2020.

    Before Covid started, you were employed and lived in an apartment. When Covid started (Dec 2019-early 2020), your work hours were reduced and you had issues with crazy neighbors in an apartment above you. Also, your health issues were not resolved post-surgery, so you moved back in with your sister.

    Currently, your health issues are getting worse and you are sure that you will need another surgery soon.  You have only one friend but she is busy with her kids, so you have no one to talk to, and you live with your sister who “goes into rants every few minutes about how she hates everyone on earth, wishes everyone would die, and also wishes she were dead too“.

    In your current job, you are dealing with “a way too heavy workload“, the morale is low and your pay is “too low to afford rent anywhere“. Your efforts to get promoted within the troubled company you work for, and your efforts to find a new job, including in a different industry after you completed a certificate program- bore no fruits so far, partly because your ability to interview well and your mental health otherwise is suffering because you live with your sister. You want to quit your current job, but you can’t afford to lose your medical benefits; you want to move out but you can’t afford to pay rent anywhere.

    “I just feel like nothing will ever work out for me. Every time I have started a new position and even when I got my own place, it always seemed like things would change for the better, but they never have. I have always tried to keep positive, but I can’t seem to solve my problems and feel like I am in an endless loop.  What can I do to get out of this?..  It doesn’t seem like there is any way out and I have been lost for a very long time”-

    -I remember when I felt similarly when I was ten years older than you are now: my job and my living situation were terrible and I lost hope. What helped me mentally survive that time was to no longer wish that my situation would get better, to no longer desire that it would, and to no longer try. I remember thinking at the time about a little story or parable that I heard (paraphrased): a prisoner was asked, how can you free yourself (from prison)? The prisoner answered, by not wanting to be free. This attitude relieved me from a lot of mental-emotional suffering and stress. This attitude has a name- Radical Acceptance, which means to truly accept your situation and to no longer desire or try to change it.

    It sounds counter-intuitive but it works: for years, I’ve been free from both challenges: a bad job and a bad living situation. When you free yourself from the desire to change your situation, you also free yourself from a lot of anguish and stress. With significantly less stress, you will have more energy and emotional resources to… change your situation.

    I suggest that you start with radical acceptance. I hope that you will post again, so that we can talk about this attitude that I am suggesting and address the practical issues that you are dealing with.

    anita

    #406885
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, Sam?

    anita

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