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I feel so distant to all my friends

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  • December 19, 2018 at 11:22 am #270025
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Milly:

    I am not sure, about  how  old are you now?

    I read quite a bit about friends who withdrew from friends when they get a boyfriend, happens often. I wonder if you ever had a  boyfriend, or have a desire to have a boyfriend?

    I wish I had more to offer you at this point than these two questions.  Maybe I will, later.

    I will soon be away from the computer for about sixteen hours. If you reply, I will read and post to you again when  I am back.  I  hope other members  reply to you before I am back.

    anita

    December 20, 2018 at 3:26 am #270093
    Shari
    Participant

    I am almost 50 years old and have felt the same way as you describe since I was in school so you aren’t the only one that feels like that. Unfortunately I have yet figure out how to change. It wasn’t until the past few tears that I began to figure out who I was as a person and then things from my past and different ‘personality characteristics’ started making sense. Acknowledging these traits and embracing them as part of who I am and that although they can make life difficult at times it’s OK, there isn’t something ‘wrong’ with me because I don’t fit in with everyone else. I like to look at as it making me ‘uniquer’…just a bit more unique than most and that’s awesome. Not many people get me and now that I have a better grasp of why I’m OK with it. I’ve always been an introvert and I doubt that will ever change but I finally after 50 years on this earth am figuring out who I am and I love myself! (I never used to say that but it feels great!) Just stay positive and seek out others similar to yourself even if it’s just through forums like this, reassurance that you’re not alone goes a long way.

    Try to do this everyday and remind someone else they are too…look in a mirror and say, “I AM BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE ME!” Because we all are.

    Dandee?

    December 20, 2018 at 4:30 pm #270269
    GL
    Participant

    Dear Milly,

    It is a lonely circumstance, but your friends had found new interests to focus on that you can’t really relate to. Also, you guys are still in school and are still learning how to function as individuals yourself so when you find something new and interesting, that will usually take up most of your attention. So right now your friends are focus on their relationship and other things are background noises.

    So, it’s difficult, but it’s best you muster up courage to find new friends. Your friends are now choosing something that has little to do with you so even if you wish to stay friends, it won’t be the same as before. People change with time and your friends are doing so now. Try to accept that and move on. Use this time to understand yourself as you are now, from your interests to your favorite subject in school. Use that information to seek people who share similar interest. They are out there, you just have to search for them. There’s also the world wide web.

    Regarding your anxiety of not fitting in, right now, you are viewing yourself as an outsider along with the situation with your friend, it exacerbated your general anxiety. It’s not unusual for a person who is prone to anxiety to developed severe social anxiety due to their environment. It would be best for you to get professional help to deal with your anxiety since there are trained professionals who work with people who have anxiety. They can help you figure out techniques to calm your anxiety whenever it might flair up.

    Right now, it might feel as if you are in the middle of a storm. But even storms will eventually come to an end and you’ll be able to see the sky again.

    Good luck.

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