It’s a long story. I met this kid while he was in America, he is on a 1 year visa and was applying for sponsorship (he ended up getting it). I met him around the end of spring last year and agreed to go on a date with him. I didn’t find this kid attractive at all but I ended up having a really great time and wanted to see him again. After 3 dates, I really was liking his personality and uniqueness. We saw each other a few times in the next few months and became a couple. I was smitten. I loved everything about this kid, pure infatuation. It was pretty great but after a few months there were many arguments (it was mostly my fault because of insecurity issues and dependency) and he broke up with me after 3 months together. I was heartbroken, I was begging God to give me a second chance, I saw the way I was reacting as very toxic and me just being too needy. I still have insecurity issues and am needy but I did work on myself after the break-up. He was as perfect as can be, he was patient, supportive, and never treated me with anything besides utter respect. If I was having an anxiety attack, he would come to me at 2 am in the morning to make sure I was ok. He’s a hard one to find these days. I couldn’t go home because my parents (separated) had always been negative about love because they never had great relationships and overall almost everyone in the family except two of my sisters is toxic when it came to love. It wasn’t supportive and I hid in my college apt to deal with the break up alone.

After a month of pure MIA, he reached out to me and wanted to talk. We met up and after some talking got back together. It was going perfectly, no arguing and it was calmer. In January, my chronic tinnitus began. It was horrible, I was suicidal and sad and anxious all the time. He was the there for me and brought me peace and comfort and actually helped make it tolerable. I gave him an out and said I understood if he wanted to break up because this would be challenging to deal with but he stuck through with me and my bouts of depressive episodes. In late January, I realized I was in love. I told him so and he told me he was not ready. I understood, everyone at their own time of course. Fast forward to early February, and I was beginning to freak out about his visa thing. I was scared because I was in love and he wasn’t, so I thought I would be more hurt and suffer more if our relationship were to come to an end. I voiced this concern and he told me it would hurt him too, but we can’t rush things because he had until June to find sponsorship. Later that week, he went on a trip with his friends and I stayed in my city. I felt a little jealous and petty he hadn’t invited me (even though it was for good reason; he was invited by his brother with limited car capacity and 3 other specific friends). I realized I was also very dependent on him as a person. I wanted to be with him all the time and also be apart of his friend group. I had never really had the level of happiness in my life like the one he provided me. However, I realized in a way I had abandoned my friend group and was not doing the things I used to do before I met him. So i decided to get back into it while he was on his trip. I met friends and went to a club with one of his friends who couldn’t fit in the car. That same night, i remember thinking about the my relationship with him and feeling nothing. I didn’t have the sense of happiness and joy I had the day prior when I thought about him or the relationship. And that apathy scared the absolute crap out of me.

I had instant anxiety. I called him via ft to see if maybe seeing him would trigger my feelings. Nothing. When he came back from his trip I told him about how I was feeling because he deserved to know. It devastated him but we decided to wait it out to see if they would come back.

After 2 weeks nothing changed. Seeing him didn’t bring the smile and warm feelings like they used to. I used to online shop and want to get him everything. I didn’t even have the urge to get him anything nice anymore. He bought me flowers and although I enjoyed and appreciated them, I wasn’t as ecstatic and happy as when he brought me to the aquarium. Being with him didn’t bring me the subtle content and happiness feeling it used to. This indifference eventually lead me down intense anxiety and severe bad depressive episodes. I cried everyday. I prayed everyday for my feelings to come back. I was losing hope. I was losing faith (but thankfully still have it). I was losing my willpower. The most beautiful gift of love was ripped away from me in one sudden day. Why didI suddenly fall out of love. It was so sudden. And i don’t know why. Eventually, we broke up because his “heart was being torn apart” from this shift and wasn’t happy. This hurt me but I understood. We still talk and are friends because I don’t want to lose hope that my feelings will come back.

I talked, begged, and cried to so many people about this but I am the only person who seems to be going through this and I dont know why. All i ever wanted was love and to be in a relationship and for 7 months I was so happy and felt so loved by a beautiful amazing human being and I felt – and still feel – like a monster for not appreciating or being in love. What is wrong with me. So many people would kill to have a person like mine as their partner. I want my feelings back. I’m going to therapy as well to try to deal with this and understand why it happened because to this day, I still do not know or understand why I am still so stuck. Everyday, I cry and am scared for my future and the possibility that I let a good one go for no reason. I try to hang with him and just enjoy the present and see if things can develop from there, but its an intrusive thought “why can’t you just be in love with him like before” that doesn’t leave me in peace.

I’m desperate for advice. Has this happened to anyone before where they suddenly fell out of love in a long-term relationship for no reason? I can’t seem to find anything helpful online. And if anyone has, did you get your feelings back? Did you guys love again? Any advice will help.

P.S. This was my first relationship, I was 21 and am now 22(F). No, I was not just infatuated with him, and no, I don’t think it was just the end of the honeymoon phase because I think I would at least feel some content or happy feelings sometimes when I’m with him.