Hi Friend,

Your post caught my eye. First, your English is perfect. Secondly, you are beautiful and capable and alive. Everyone needs to start somewhere. I doesn’t matter where you are, just start believing in yourself and having a positive outlook on life. It doesn’t matter the number of friends you have, what matters is who you are as a person. Love yourself first and do things that are good for you (get off the couch, go take a walk, workout, pick up a hobby), and over time, you will attract the right people in your life and you will find a meaningful friendship. I hear you saying “can’t” a lot, and that will not get you far. It’s time to believe that you are just as good as everyone else, and that you have a lot to offer, and you have your whole life ahead of you.

Please do not hate your life. Your life is a gift, and you are lucky to be alive and to make something of your life. That starts right now. Take baby steps. Nobody said it was going to be easy, but take little steps, and you’ll wake up one day and be further along than you ever imagined. Have patience, be strong, be kind to yourself and others, and keep going.

You will be okay. That is a promise.

Love,
LC

I believe that we become the stories we tell ourselves more often then we become the stories we write.
(There is a difference)

The first thing that came to my mind when I read your post was cognitive distortion

Cognitive distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn’t really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions — telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but really only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves.

I also recognize that sometimes we just need to get the kinds of thoughts you posted out.

Anyway If you aren’t only venting but want to work your way out of these thoughts you might want to examine what you are telling yourself for Cognitive distortion. Its a place to start.

Common distortions in the stories we tell ourselves
Filtering: We take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted.

Polarized Thinking: In polarized thinking, things are either “black-or-white.” We have to be perfect or we’re a failure — there is no middle ground. You place people or situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of gray or allowing for the complexity of most people and situations. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.

Overgeneralization: In this cognitive distortion, we come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece of evidence. If something bad happens only once, we expect it to happen over and over again. A person may see a single, unpleasant event as part of a never-ending pattern of defeat.

Jumping to Conclusions: Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we are able to determine how people are feeling toward us.
For example, a person may conclude that someone is reacting negatively toward them but doesn’t actually bother to find out if they are correct. Another example is a person may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and will feel convinced that their prediction is already an established fact.

Catastrophizing: We expect disaster to strike, no matter what. This is also referred to as “magnifying or minimizing.” We hear about a problem and use what if questions (e.g., “What if tragedy strikes?” “What if it happens to me?”).

Personalization: Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to the person. We also compare ourselves to others trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc.

Control Fallacies: If we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as helpless a victim of fate. For example, “I can’t help it if the quality of the work is poor, my boss demanded I work overtime on it.” The fallacy of internal control has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us. For example, “Why aren’t you happy? Is it because of something I did?”

Fallacy of Fairness: We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with us. As our parents tell us when we’re growing up and something doesn’t go our way, “Life isn’t always fair.” People who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will often feel badly and negative because of it. Because life isn’t “fair” — things will not always work out in your favor, even when you think they should.

Blaming: We hold other people responsible for our pain, or take the other track and blame ourselves for every problem. For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” Nobody can “make” us feel any particular way — only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions.

Shoulds: We have a list of ironclad rules about how others and we should behave. People who break the rules make us angry, and we feel guilty when we violate these rules. A person may often believe they are trying to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they have to be punished before they can do anything.

Emotional Reasoning: We believe that what we feel must be true automatically. If we feel stupid and boring, then we must be stupid and boring. You assume that your unhealthy emotions reflect he way things really are — “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”

Fallacy of Change: We expect that other people will change to suit us if we just pressure or cajole them enough. We need to change people because our hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.

Global Labeling: We generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment. These are extreme forms of generalizing, and are also referred to as “labeling” and “mislabeling.” Instead of describing an error in context of a specific situation, a person will attach an unhealthy label to themselves.
For example, they may say, “I’m a loser” in a situation where they failed at a specific task.

Always Being Right: We are continually on trial to prove that our opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and we will go to any length to demonstrate our rightness. For example, “I don’t care how badly arguing with me makes you feel, I’m going to win this argument no matter what because I’m right.” Being right often is more important than the feelings of others around a person who engages in this cognitive distortion, even loved ones.

Heaven’s Reward Fallacy: We expect our sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if someone is keeping score. We feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come.

Dear johnda,
what i found i picked up on most in your post was that seeing others ‘enjoying their time and their youth’ bothers you. I empathise with an introverted person if that may be the case for yourself, however maybe you should try going outside for yourself. maybe go to the movies instead of being inside. tasks like that may seem daunting but it appears the greater challenge you are facing is speaking to people. well, i think its very brave of you really that (although over the internet) you are sharing your story with others because you want help. And right there is another positive, that you are actually willing to get help and hopefully that also means you know what you want. Maybe the first initial step for you could be to not be so loyal to your suffering. You are not depressed, you are going through a depression. You only have problems when you view them as problems. you only hate your life, when you say you do. i believe you saying these things brings them to life because everything starts off as a thought but you supply it (feed it if you will) with the energy to continue and take over your reality. i know it is a hard system to break being negative and self-critical but don’t you think its worth a shot? everything in life is temporary after all.