Hey sf211, I’m sorry to hear you’re freaking out about your interview tomorrow! I actually wrote an article about this not long ago – see below.

5 Tips to Beat Interview Anxiety

Interviewing can be crippling. The thought of having to go into a room with strangers and talk about yourself for an extended period of time, putting on a song and dance to impress people you don’t even know, may make you want to pull a sickie (…for the rest of your life).

Sometimes it doesn’t matter how many “tell me about…” examples are prepared, strengths and weaknesses analysed and practiced, you still have trouble sleeping the night before, fearing that once you walk into that room, your mouth dries up and hands get sweaty, but worst of all, your mind goes blank.

Here are my 5 tips to help you overcome this fear.

Tip 1: Understanding what you’re good at and why

Often we feel like what we’re doing at work is just keeping things afloat – delivering to deadlines, attending team meetings, going to client briefs etc. This can feel like we’re constantly in “maintenance” mode, not “achievement” mode.

That’s why it’s important to:
– Establish which aspects of your job you’re good at – What do you do at work? How do you go about it? Are there significant challenges you’ve tackled? What was the final result?
– Back this up with evidence – $ value, % improvements, # people/sites/processes, period of time – anything to quantify the above will help
– Eg. I’m good with people and leading a team, like when I led my team to meet our monthly sales target. I assessed each person’s strengths and weaknesses, made sure the right mix of skills were rostered for each shift and I tailored my coaching approach accordingly. We exceeded our sales targets by 30% that month.

Tip 2: Practice and Validate

Using the information from Tip 1, formulate these into sentences to capture the What, When and How:
– What: I am good at X – this can be a technical skill eg. “programming”, or a competency eg. “influencing people” or “prioritising and multi-tasking”
– When: I accomplished this during X, Y and Z (eg. A project, incident, initiative, etc.)
– How: The steps I took were X, Y and Z – break this down into small chunks, eg. I systematically prepare reports like the *insert name* report, by clarifying the brief, analyse data using excel modelling to define trends, etc.

Tip 3: It’s not “selling” if it’s the truth

Selling yourself during an interview can feel daunting and intimidating (it might even make you feel like a douchebag). But think about a situation when you’ve had a conversation about a topic you’re familiar with. The conversation flows, you know facts and figures to back up what you’re saying, and (hopefully) you don’t sound like a douchebag.
Now that you know what you’re good at, can provide examples, and have the numbers to back yourself up – when you’re interviewing, you’re simply telling the truth, not “selling” yourself. The panel will see and feel the genuine difference in your delivery.
Is it still a performance? Well kind of, you still need to present yourself in the best light, but you know how amazing you are now, which should surely be a confidence booster.

Tip 4: Understand what happens during an interview.. and why

Interviewing can feel like an ambush… there’s at least 4 eyes on you, sometimes 8 if you’re really unlucky. It was only until I went to quite a few (and eventually ended up on the other side of the table) that a pattern emerged.
The interview process is somewhat predictable:

– Arrive at interview location, sit and wait
– Get greeted by someone in HR, then led into a room to meet the other sets of eyes.
– Some unavoidable awkward small talk about weather or footy.
– Get asked some general questions like – Why do you want to work for us? and Tell us about your experience? etc.
– Get asked at least 3 “tell me about a time” (behavioural based) questions
– Then you get an opportunity to ask some (smart) questions

If you think about it, by the time you’re invited to an interview, you’ve passed the initial screening stage – they like your experience and your skills. So the purpose of the interview is to meet you in person and ascertain if you’re the right person for the job. In other words – are you the right “fit”, and you’re assessed on things like:

– Do you talk, or act, in a way which will fit into our company?
– Do we think that you’ll get along with the people in our company?
– Can you actually do what you’re saying you can do?
– Do you have the right “image”? (Discrimination is illegal but please, dress the part – first impressions do count)

Knowing the format of interviews can inform you on how to prepare your answers, who the interviewers are and what the interviewers are looking for.

Tip 5: Interviewing is a two-way process (not one)

This is often one of the biggest mistakes people make – yes, you’re being assessed during an interview, however it’s also YOUR opportunity to assess them.

I remember trying to land my first gig after uni, and times when I was desperate to leave my job and spread my wings, but before too long I came to an important realisation – just like it takes time to find the right partner in life, it takes time to find the right company for me.

Remember the things you’re being assessed on in Tip 4? Use LinkedIn to find out more about your interviewers and who works there. Check out Glassdoor to find out interview questions and company reviews. Get your head around the company’s key challenges (or opportunities).
Prepare a list of questions you want to ask – not just for the obligatory sake of asking questions, but to satisfy your own curiosity.
If career progression is important for you, don’t be shy to ask about the company’s internal promotion rate. If you’re passionate about the environment, you could ask what the company’s commitment is to reduce their carbon emissions.

Final tips

Sometimes, even when you prepare and practice for an interview, nerves can kick in. Here are some final tips to beat those nerves:
– Bring in your own bottle of water (just make sure it’s not an old, wrinkled bottle). Having something on the table that’s yours can offer a sense of security. Plus it helps alleviate a dry mouth.
– Let the interviewers know you’re nervous, in most cases they’ll soften their approach and might even prompt you during the interview so you can provide clearer answers.
– If you don’t know how to answer a question, ask them to repeat it. This buys you some additional thinking time. Remember: you’re also allowed to pause to think (just not for too long!)
– Slow down your breathing, and breathe deep. Shallow breathing exacerbates anxiety.

Good luck on your interview, believe in yourself and your ability to add value.

Hi SantaFe

I am actually quite new to this forum and I am reading a little bit of everything. I’ve read this thread and I’m wondering how you are doing? Did you get the job that you wanted?

I hope you don’t mind me pointing out, but I see 2 issues here. (I am thinking I’m similar age as you, as you mentioned that you have been trying hard for the past 27 years. So I think I might be able to understand from your perspective what is so hard with everything that you’ve tried, it still didn’t work out):

1. Related to yourself: You have realised that you have the tendency to please everyone and you have the need to seek approval from others (i.e. external validation) which is sometimes not what you get. Also you have anxiety problems, which could be social or general anxiety (P.S. this is, by no means, a diagnosis. It is just what I see using my “common sense”), and you seem to really self-conscious especially in relation to what others think of you. You focus on the negatives and cannot get it out of your head. You think you are such a “loser” that it is a “fact” that you cannot change.

2. Related to work: You have attended many interviews and so far it has not been a good experience for you. You do not have the same qualities that you see in other candidates and you think lowly of yourself, which is to do with #1. It could be due to the lack of interview skills, or that you do have the skills but then you lack confidence in yourself.

I hope you don’t mind me saying that, as I might seem to be “judgemental” although what I am doing is just trying to help.

For #1: I guess knowing that you have the issues that you have mentioned above is the first step to success. Because without knowing what the issues are (i.e. self-awareness), then it is impossible to work on those things to become a better person. So I think you have successfully made this first step that is crucial to your wellbeing (and career wise it is a good move). I would like to congratulate you on that.

However, what I see here is that you seem to have a bit of resistance to the fact that you are who you are. And it seems that the recognition of who you are did not lead to any significant process, as you are quite “stuck” on the things that you don’t like about yourself, instead of fully accepting your flaws, which also means that you might be able to see the positives about yourself that could make you feel better about yourself.

I have a similar problem, as I tend to seek approval from my partner, probably as a result of my childhood experiences (I never really got what I wanted, yet I was forced to “listen” to the grown-ups, and if I failed to do what I was asked to do, then I feared the consequences which could be “huge”, i.e. I grew up in an environment where we’re ruled by “intimidation”). However this is not what he could give me, due to the fact that he is generally quite optimistic, and he doesn’t see the problems I see and all he thinks of me is “why all the drama” and “why don’t you just get along with others”.

I think it takes time to get there. I am still learning about myself, and I think it is a journey of self-discovery that is totally worth it. I have learned to turn my focus inwards, as I have learned that if I can see strength within myself, then I do not need to constantly ask for help, and I already have the answers for myself most of the time.

And in doing so, first I need to not “argue” with myself. I have to 100% “agree” with myself, and not go against what I believe is true. This is an act of self-acceptance and self-compassion, to give our “inner child” what we need most, which is acceptance from others that we didn’t get when we needed it most. Oftentimes what we’re doing is that we try to significantly “undermine” our thoughts as we think that we’re not as good as others, or they won’t agree with us anyways, thus we’re going in circles “arguing” with ourselves why we are (in)correct, or giving excuses for our (or others’) behaviour which is not good.

For #2: I used to be shy and doubt myself a lot when it comes to interviews. I was never good at that. In fact I was told that I was a piece of s**** when I did the interviews at school, where it was easy for others to become the “president” of after-school clubs and it was somehow hard for me to get anything. (Again, it is to do with my perceptions of what I think of myself and how I think others would think of me).

I guess for me, in addition to the “normal” interview tips that you would get elsewhere on the internet, I believe it is important for you to understand where your strengths lie, and basically, what you want to do that is really for your own good. So if I can answer all the questions in a way that is completely true to myself, without trying to impress anyone, often it is how you “impress” the crowd as they did not know that this is what you think.

And if you know yourself well enough, then you would know that certain experiences were not useful to you (like how you might have had a conflict with a supervisor, which did no good to you) and by not focusing on that, and learning from it at the same time, then you are actually “answering” the questions that they would be asking you in an interview.

Also if you are not sure about yourself, there are other ways for you to “approach” those questions that are commonly asked in an interview. One thing that really helped me that might sound stupid at first is that I actually did some of those “quizzes” online e.g. “what spiritual animal am I?”, “what do others think of me?”, “what is my colour”. You know, the ones that are “freakingly accurate” that somehow makes no sense at all, but then they would return with a list of adjectives that you can use to describe yourself (e.g. friendly, intuitive, innocent) that could somehow help you in some ways.

These are the words that others would use to describe you. And what words would you use to describe yourself?

P.S. If you feel that the interview doesn’t go well, as the saying goes, the interview process is pretty much like “dating”. So you haven’t met the one. It doesn’t mean that it is a failure.

For example, I am good at sales. I know it for a fact. I have no problems with talking to anyone, even though I am quite sensitive and I get hurt easily. But I also know for a fact that I am “unconventional”. So if the interview requires me to engage in a role play with the interviewer (who pretends to be a customer) and I am judged against a list of criteria to be met, I know for sure that I will not succeed in the interview. This is because I am good at forming relationships with customers, and I can say the right thing that makes a customer feel comfortable with themselves, which would motivate them to share more with me, so I can find the items (or services) that they need without having to push (or sell) anything. (In fact I talk too much and I make a lot of friends, which is “inappropriate” in the workplace, but then I use it as an advantage as I can promote the things to customers by knowing what they are really asking for).

The fact that I am trustworthy, friendly, and instinctive, give me an edge over others, and it cannot be proven by some of the standard procedures in an interview, especially if there are lots of “red tape” in an organisation and they will judge you based on that. So it takes the right person to see what you are capable of, and to give you what you need. But at the same time, you also need to take the initiatives to do the things that are best for you.

At the end of the day, no one really “cares” much about you. You have to bring you “A” game, and you know what is best for you so you have to fight for it.