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I live his life.

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  • September 8, 2017 at 6:24 am #167828
    Brandy
    Participant

    Hello all! I am in need of someone to give me advice because I am at a point where I’m ready to call it quits. I’m not trying to play the blame game but most of my problems are because of my partner I’ve been with for close to 3 years. I am 31 and he is 36. I have three children and he has none. When we first started dating we did things as a family and on occasions we would get a babysitter on the weekend and have date night. Now for about two years my kids go to their dad every weekend while we spend time together. Yes time together is needed but when I want my kids home on the weekend sometimes to spend with them. The rare weekends my kids don’t go to their dad’s  he gets annoyed and won’t have anything to do with us. He will go shopping and out to eat by himself while we do something. It angers me that he won’t do anything with us. Besides this point when they are away we have the same weekend routine. The kids are picked up Friday around 6 we go to the mall and shop for going out clothes. Go out that night to play pool at a bar and the next day we will drive to the city to shop while looking for outfits to wear sat night. We get home around 7 we begin to get ready for the night. We go out from 10 to 1:15 to a dance club. The same club every weekend for two years!! I have mentioned to him how I am tired of going out. When he yells at me what should we do I tell him many things like bowling, dinner, paint, movies, but he always no matter what gets his way and we go clubbing. I’m tired of the same thing and most tired of drinking. Yeah I don’t have to drink but to even enjoy myself anymore I slam alcohol so that I can blur the night away and have a little fun. I’m tired of living his life. Before him my kids and I would go camping, take trips, go on trails, fishing and other kid related fun but now all I do is go clubbing and shopping. During the week I work full-time and go to school so I hardly have time to see my kids. I am just lost and confused. I have lost all of the little friends I did have and now I’m just living my boyfriend’s life. This problem is just the tip of the iceberg. We have many other problems. I just need some advice on this. Thank you.

    September 8, 2017 at 10:44 am #167920
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Brandy:

    Clearly, you are tired of living his life. Doing what he wants to do (shopping and clubbing). And there are other problems. At first he did things with you and the three kids, and seems like this is what you wanted, you and your children having a family oriented man in your lives, to include all of you. What you have now and have had for a while is a man interested in a girlfriend, no kids, doing his thing.

    This almost three year relationship has reached its expiration date, hasn’t it?

    anita

    September 9, 2017 at 9:23 am #168032
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Brandy,

    I can understand how frustrating this can be. Does he have kids of his own? At 36 years old, usually people have settled down and are tired of the bar scene. I know in my early 30’s, I was getting tired of it, and wanted to do something less superficial. It may sound like you might have be firm and assertive and set boundaries. Tell him, you value time with your children and although he does not “have” to spend all weekend with them, that you would really enjoy his company, and him being part of their lives? Does he not like children, or feel resentful of them? Some men do, because they want to “control” and have you all to themselves. Him making you go to bars every weekend is a form of “control” and it is not loving or respectful at all that he yells at you just because you do not want to do the same thing weekend after weekend. His yelling is a form of emotional abuse and control over your life, just as his “sulking” when you see your children. He needs to shape up!. I would not be able to put up with this behavior and neither should you. Neither should you feel you have to knock back drinks just to make it through the night.

    Does your boyfriend have a drinking problem? Does he drink at home? Definitely, tell him how it makes you feel, and tell him you will no longer put up with his rude and disrespectful behavior. At 36, he needs to become more cultured outside of the same bars and at least try different things. He at least needs to want to be around your children, this is a huge red flag.

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