Okay, Thank you very much. I just went on a walk with my dad and we had a talk about everything. We agreed upon the fact that I should stabilise myself and the relations I have with the people I love, so the fall from the mountain isn’t as big as it is now. We also talked about how I’m a different person in all my relationships, like my friends, family and of course girlfriend. And that the version I am, may be this kind of depressed version where I have nothing In my life and that im not really myself and that I should try and find myself in this break. Again, Thank you so much for the answers, I feel like this have given me some clarity over the situation and I will trust the process and believe that I can find my way back to myself and therefore find my love for her again. She is the most fantastic girl and the best girlfriend I could ever imagine so I know that if I find out how to stabilise my life I will be able to keep her in my life and hopefully learn how to keep my self in check and stay who I am and not loose myself again. Now, I will say that I’m afraid that in may scare her off and that’s why I will no longer tell her how I loose feelings and some of the other dumb things because I’m scared that if I do it again she won’t be able to take it anymore (which Is understandable, I’m still confused on how she can still be with me after treating her like this).

I had a thought today, and I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but the first time I started questioning my feelings was for about a month ago after she asked me if I didn’t love her anymore. This made me every sad and I started questioning If I even loved her. And of course I did! I told/tell her multiple times a day and also show her that I love her. I mean yes, I started to act a bit less clingy against her, but we was together almost every day and I just couldn’t keep snuggling and Kissing her every 5 minutes every day. It got too much. But It hurt me when she asked If I didn’t love her anymore. I knew I did, but I still questioned it. A bit like now. So I had a thought today, that maybe it has something to do with the fact that I feel like I have to love her and be over the moon with her every single minute of the day. And the second I don’t feel that (When she left on a trip) I started questioning if I even loved her, because im used to being with her all the time where I can show her my love. Im not quite sure if this could mean anything or if it even makes sense, but it made sense for me:).

Dear IMBACK:

You started your first post today with “I had a thought“. Are you familiar with obsessive thinking, as in the same thought repeating in your brain over and over again?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a thought disorder that is fueled by ongoing anxiety. Are you familiar with this term?

anita

Dear IMBACK

“I had a thought today…  I started questioning If I even loved her“- what I boldfaced is the recurring, intrusive, obsessive thought.

Wikipedia/ relationship obsessive compulsive behavior (ROCD):  “People may continuously doubt whether they love their partner… haunted by continuous doubts regarding the relationship…<sup id=”cite_ref-Doron_2014_169–180_3-2″ class=”reference”></sup>

“ROCD is a form of OCD. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy<sup id=”cite_ref-12″ class=”reference”></sup> (CBT) are considered the Gold Standard psychological treatments for OCD. <sup id=”cite_ref-13″ class=”reference”></sup>According to CBT models, we all have unwanted, intrusive thoughts, images and urges. <sup id=”cite_ref-14″ class=”reference”></sup>Individuals with OCD interpret these intrusive experiences as meaning something bad about their character (crazy or bad) or about the future (a catastrophe is going to occur)… Such interpretations increase attention to unwanted intrusive experiences, making them more distressing and increasing their frequency…”.<sup id=”cite_ref-16″ class=”reference”></sup><sup id=”cite_ref-18″ class=”reference”></sup>

Do you relate to this quote, and if so, do you feel that if you lost the loving feeling for her, it would make you “crazy or bad” (from the quote above), or that some catastrophe will happen?

“So I had a thought today, that maybe it has something to do with the fact that I feel like I have to love her and be over the moon with her every single minute of the day”-

– and if you don’t love her over the moon, every single minute of the day, what’s the worst that can happen?

“Or could it be that I’m afraid of the future... Now we are getting close to her 18 years birthday and I’m about to meet her family in 2 weeks”- what are you afraid of, IMBACK?

anita

How are you, IMBACK?

anita