Ok thanks for letting me know. I will do that in the morning.

I noticed that, but its ok I understood what you were saying. Thanks for clearing that up and I am happy to hear that you also came out of hiding. I know it is such a great feeling when you do. I have to agree with what you said about it is the child, not the parent, willing to do anything and everything to please the parent, not the other way around. That is very true, and from my experience that is proven to be true. But I do believe that a mother’s love is the greatest. I could be wrong, but that is just my opinion. And to answer your question about me dealing with a truth vs. a lie and coming out of hiding and what might come next, I am not so sure about what is next. There are so many things that come to mind when understanding a truth vs. a lie. More than a good example all that comes to mind are really bad, negative things. I do have an example that I am willing to share though. When I was little I was so shy and afraid of people. I don’t really know the reason behind it because I don’t remember any of my baby-toddler years. But what I do know is that I was so afraid of anyone and everyone. People would talk to me and I would run the other way, or if someone tried to hug me I would literally push them away. I was so afraid that I would get hurt or yelled at. Now as I grew older into my teen years-adult it was like that for quite some time. I think the fear of getting yelled at or hurt ended when I was 18. I would always get yelled at when I was a teenager and I would cry and get yelled at even more because I was crying. So I would try to block out the times I would get yelled at, it never worked. I still get afraid sometimes, but when it comes to getting a hug now I am not afraid. I take the hug like it was my last day on earth. Because I know that I am not going to get hurt. I am only getting a loving and caring hug. I think from all of that, that the truth vs. a lie would be that I was afraid to get a hug because I didn’t want to get hurt and I pushed everyone away to protect myself from being hurt. But things are different, and the people around me don’t want to hurt me they want to comfort me and protect me from being hurt. So I think that when I was a child I always told myself that I was going to get hurt if I got a hug so I always believed it to be true. Now that I am older and no longer a little kid or teenager, I know that when I get a hug I don’t have to run away or push anyone away. I am not going to get hurt and that I know is the truth. I hope that answered your question and if anything doesn’t make any sense please let me know so I can clarify. As for me coming out of hiding I feel like a huge weight has come off my shoulders. I may get mean comments from people who don’t agree or don’t like that I am a lesbian, but I know that is who I am and that I am happy. No one can take away my happiness of know who I truly am. They can try to tear me down and make me upset or feel like I am not supposed to be this way, but I listen, and not ignore what they say, but kind of block it out. Because I have been through so much and I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. Its hard, not being treated like I should be some days, but I embrace who I am. I am proud of who I am, I am happy with myself as a person, though I make mistakes. I know I am not perfect, but I am happy and that is all that really truly matters.

Vicky, thanks for your opinion. I never really thought about it that way, but it makes sense when I think about it. That is a good idea to write down achievements and reading them when your feeling down. I think I will start doing that, I think that could really help me and not be so negative when I do something wrong. Thanks.

Yes, because my mother is one of the most supportive, and loving people in my family. My grandma is another, but I bond so well with my mom compared to with my father. My mother and I relate so much and we are there for each other, we’re best friends. I lived with my father until I was 18, but my father doesn’t even know me as well as my mother does (or at all, he doesn’t know who his own daughter is.) That’s why I believe a mother’s love is the greatest. I love my father dearly, but the way he acts towards me when I do something “wrong” in his eyes he judges me for it and is really rude to me. It makes me feel lower than low and its frustrating. He told me a long time ago that he doesn’t even know who I am. We talk once in a great while, but we aren’t all that close. He I guess you could say isn’t very understanding. He spent more time with my brother than me when I was growing up. Is he a bad father? No way, he just doesn’t understand where I’m coming from when I do something he doesn’t like or agree with. My mom isn’t perfect either. Heck NO ONE is perfect. We are all imperfectly flawed. But we are human. I love my dad and I want to be closer to him. Deep down it hurts that we aren’t close, and it really sucks. I lived with him since I was a baby up until I was 18. You’d think you would be close to your parent if you lived with them almost all your life, right? Sadly that’s not the story with me. I want to change that so badly. I don’t know for sure but I was little and a childhood friend’s father woke me up when I fell asleep and told me to go into the room down the hall. I don’t remember the friend or their father’s name. But I was little and didn’t know what was going on. He walked in the room and was really drunk and poured beer on my head, and I was crying. And that’s all I can remember. So I don’t know for sure, but this could be the man who hurt me that caused me to be so afraid of people when I was little, and for so long. Ok thanks for letting me know, and I will be away for a while too. But please reply when you can and I will get back to you when I can. Thanks.

Yea that makes sense to me now. It wasn’t the guy who poured beer on my head. It was my father. And yes he did hurt me over and over again. I understand its not healthy to be around or try to have any type of relationship with. But I do not want to just stop talking to him and act like he doesn’t exist. I did call him the other day, and I was really nervous because I haven’t talked to him before that since father’s day. But it went well and he did say he loves me. He said he will love me no matter what. So I believe that and I don’t want to throw that away. I may not have to see him in person but a call now and then cant hurt can it? He said he missed hearing my voice and wondered why I haven’t been calling, and I told him I was busy. I just gave him an update on how things that I wanted to tell him were going. I want to give him another chance and if he does the same thing one more time, then I think I will not talk to him anymore. I believe that he can change and I want to give him that chance. I know he hurt me, but I love him. He is my father after all. I know from personal experience that being around positive, and approving people is better than being around negative people. But I sort of picked up on his negativity and I am that way as well, but I am excepting of ALL people. If I didn’t make any sense on something please let me know so I can explain it better. I am very tired, so that might be why I don’t make sense if for some reason I didn’t.