Hi guys. I really need an opinion about what I’m going to text now.

My name is Giovanni, I am 21 years old.
I have always had social problems because of my ADHD.
People used to avoid me, I was always dealing, family, study and girls problems because of it.
I always wanted to be more popular, to have someone outside family that really loves me the way I am, I always needed to stay with my school mates or people at my age but I was always being avoided because the way I behave, the way I am and this made me suffer a lot because it ruined my childwood and my teenage period.

Now I am 21 years old, I am going in an University which is far away from my hometown from 2 years and by aknowledgeing what was my problem once opun a time, I realized I had this opportunity to change my life and try to be more social and finally, as it was the wish of my life, find a girlfriend that loves me.

6 months ago, I met this girl at University: a really clever, beautyful, intelligent and charming girl… this after 5 months after concluding 2 “toxic and turnaround” stories. She had fallen in love with me completly (something that happened for the first time in my life) but after a month being together, I left her because I realized I was not in love with her and what I needed was to be alone… or at least, what I realized that what I need for real are some small stories.
I felt very gulty, and also very stupid. This, if not because of me, could have been a perfect story.
After not talking and no seeing ourselves for three months, we started to contact again… actually, it happens that sometimes when we meet at university, we can pass the whole day talking, cuddling and kissing, but the story remains the same: I am paranoid because I don’t love her and I am not feeling any emotions like I felt many times in the past before being rejected… but she, even if not telling me, she is feeling always so confortable when we talk, when we kiss etc. She told me it’s of like this, we can kiss each other etc and she is not expecting anything from me. This means she unconditionally loves, or cares of me, right? I love her too, but as a friend or “this little more as friends” but nothing more… but there’s one thing I love to think about this story: one day she will become my wife and I will be happy with her, because we will love each other.
What I am feeling now is that someday, I’ll lose her forever. She is the ONLY PERSON outside of my family that likes everything about me, the way I am for real…
I wish it could be the same, so much… this story is struggling me.