My first boyfriend of 1 year and 3 months broke up with me yesterday. When we met that day, I first came to him, snuggled my face into his chest and apologized for arguing with him. I notice he didn’t return the hug like he normally does when we have a fight.(We had a fight two nights before our break up. over something small. this was not our first “fight”.) he then pushes me away a bit, and I can hear in his voice that he is sad. I kept thinking to myself, crap this can’t be happening now. please don’t let it be what I think it is. unfortunately, it was, but not the way I expected it. He began with telling me that he isn’t too good wit these things and that he hasn’t been truthful to me for our entire relationship( for a second I think, did he cheat on me?I threw that idea out. he wouldn’t ever cheat on me.) I ask him what he meant by that. He then replied with “I haven’t been fair with you this entire time. I haven’t been texting, calling, or hanging out with you as much as I should be.” his voice was getting smaller, almost like he was about to cry but I kept stroking his hand, hoping it would comfort him. He then talked about how I deserve someone better. He then says these words “That’s why I’m breaking up with you. I’m sorry.” at this point I’m crying like I never have before and began calling out his name, asking if there was something wrong with me. He said ” No, you’re perfect. I’m sorry but I’m just not the one for you.” He then quickly walks away because he knows I’ll chase after him. I’m crying heavily and I chase after him back to the school, where some of our other friends were hanging out. I walk after him determined to get back together, to fix our relationship, but he walks away with his things without another word while I am calling out to him with my now hoarse voice. My friends that were there immediately comforted me. They asked me what happened, and I told them ” he broke up with me. This was a shock to everyone seeing as they knew us both well and they knew we loved each other more than anyone else.after a few minutes, I manage to gather myself up and go after him. I try to call him, and he does pick up. the first time, he says ” dammit, you’re not making this any easier. I’m sorry but I just can’t date you anymore.” the second time ” stop it, don’t go to my house. I am going to my mom’s today. I’m blocking your number so you can’t contact me anymore.” the third time ” I am blocking you right now.” I just kept saying over and over that we could work this out. I pleaded and begged him to stay with me. he hung up on me all three times. I called him back for the fourth time but it was too late. straight to the voicemail. I hung up and ran to my friends, hugging them to replace the warmth and comfort I once had.

I’m crying heavily and I chase after him back to the school, where some of our other friends were hanging out. I walk after him determined to get back together, to fix our relationship, but he walks away with his things without another word while I am calling out to him with my now hoarse voice. My friends that were there immediately comforted me. They asked me what happened, and I told them ” he broke up with me. This was a shock to everyone seeing as they knew us both well and they knew we loved each other more than anyone else.after a few minutes, I manage to gather myself up and go after him. I try to call him, and he does pick up. the first time, he says ” dammit, you’re not making this any easier. I’m sorry but I just can’t date you anymore.” the second time ” stop it, don’t go to my house. I am going to my mom’s today. I’m blocking your number so you can’t contact me anymore.” the third time ” I am blocking you right now.” I just kept saying over and over that we could work this out. I pleaded and begged him to stay with me. he hung up on me all three times. I called him back for the fourth time but it was too late. straight to the voicemail. I hung up and ran to my friends, hugging them to replace the warmth and comfort I once had.

After a few minutes, I manage to gather myself up and go after him. I try to call him, and he does pick up. the first time, he says ” dammit, you’re not making this any easier. I’m sorry but I just can’t date you anymore.” the second time ” stop it, don’t go to my house. I am going to my mom’s today. I’m blocking your number so you can’t contact me anymore.” the third time ” I am blocking you right now.” I just kept saying over and over that we could work this out. I pleaded and begged him to stay with me. he hung up on me all three times. I called him back for the fourth time but it was too late. straight to the voicemail. I hung up and ran to my friends, hugging them to replace the warmth and comfort I once had. they asked about why he broke up with me, and

I hung up and ran to my friends, hugging them to replace the warmth and comfort I once had. they asked about why he broke up with me, and i told them what he told me. ” that idiot. its not his fault. It’s my fault. he treated me so well, and I treated him like shit.” i  kept repeating it over and over again. I felt so guilty. I made him feel that way, that he wasn’t good enough for me. He wasn’t the problem, I was. all my friends said that they saw the way he looked at me, and they knew he still loved and cared about me. About an hour of crying and my friends comforting me later, i try to distract myself, and eventually go home.

later that night, people were texting me. and i texted them back, thanking them, and asking them to not tell the other people in our group of friends. I didn’t want to be constantly asked if it was true that we had broken up. It would only make me cry during school hours more. It hurt me so much. I called him again to go straight to voicemail. I said to not do anything irrational, that he didnt need to come to the club meeting the next day, and that i missed him, i loved him. I decided to text him, telling him about how we fell in love, how i fell in love with him, and all the promises we made to each other. what was unknown to me was that although a number is blocked, it can still receive the texts, so i wasn’t expecting him at all to read them, let alone reply.

after several long texts about how i still loved him, he texts me back saying that he has been holding back the truth for too long. he goes on to tell me that around june or july “I started questioning my loyalty to you but since i know that you dont deserve someone like that i threw that idea out of the window. But then you get mad at me for hella pity type things and Im sorry I truly am, but i just cant go on leading you on like this. I feel terrible but its for both of our own good that we not be together anymore. I;m not taking you back and I hop you know that you deserve someone who is better than me, dont blame yourself for this this was my doing not yours, I just cant date you anymore…not like we went on that many anyways. I broke many promises I’ve made doing this but it can’t be helped. I’m going to block your number if you are going to try and get me back…cuz frankly it would just break my heart more than the shatters its already in. this is goodbye___ Im sorry…for everything. ”

“Ive held back the truth for so long because frankly its almost impossible to tell you these things. ”

me:”But i still want you. i still love you and i always will. you have always been loyal to me. its my fault that i got mad at you for those things(not texting me, calling me, even seeing me when im not that far away, not hanging out together enough.him talking about sexual stuff with other girls)”

“Its ok that you break those small promises. they were stupid things for me to get angry over.”

” If i could i would take you back in a heartbeat. Those small things dont matter to me anymore.. I just want you to stay by my side. Forever.”

him:”No its bloody not your fault, i had my own emotional journey and thsi is the only way i could ever live with myself, because you dot deserve to be lead on especially as long as i had been leading you on for.”

” I will forever be your friend, but im sorry, nothing more than a friend from now on.”

me:” I wont accept that reasoning.”

him”thats fine i dont expect you to accept any reason i give you but there are so many i’d give that you cant deny it.”

“Im not fit to be your boyfriend any longer and i am sorry it came to this.”

me:”I’ll help you live with yourself.”

“you were always good enough for me.”

“all that time then. when you told me that you loved me. was it a lie then?”(referring to him leading me on.*we couldnt see each other for most of the summer because we were both with our own families*when we hung out before school and after school started he had peppered my face with kisses, played with me. and had tried to initiate french kisses even in public whenever i kissed him on the lips. he told me he loved me. it sounds stupid, but i even asked him about kids, and all the things we agreed to do after we get married.he always greeted me with a smile.we argued about who loved each other more)

him:” im not going to take you back and thats that. im sorry but im far better to u as  a friend compared to anything else more”

me”no.”

him”I still love you its just not the same as before. and it never will be. goodbye___this is the end.”

me”I still love you more___please. you are still my boyfriend. we can work this out. this will pass. i thought like that too, but you comforted me with all your feart, its my turn to do for you. ill still love you as always, and even more. if you still love me, please come back.“

him” no ___ it wont, just realize its over, im far too different for you to understand exactly how far ive been pushed/been pushing throughout this relationship. i dont really need too much pushing to get to a point like this if compared to me.”

me”what do you mean pushed?”

him”im not coming back because the love i have for you is not the love you are telling me to come back with.”

me”when did your love for me change?”

him”all those things youve done, all the things ive done, all the things everyone tells me/warns me/predicts me about just forced me to this point. im sorry.”

“roughly midway through the year.”

“im not your boyfriend anymore and its not on you so goodbye and dont blame yourself for a second.”

me”ill give you time then. no matter how long it takes then. dont listen to others telling you, warning, or predicting. ill wait for you. no matte what.

over my dead body you’ll break up with me. and i will blame myself. you did nothing wrong i was the problem.

him”goodbye___”

me” at least come to lunch tomorrow. or hang out with the rest of us. your estranging yourself from the whole group.

you dont have to come to the meeting tomorrow. well goodnight then. sleep the best you can. ill try to do the same.”

“I love you.”

ever since we havent had any form of communication. im trying to ignore him, but at the same time i want to let him know that i accept the fact he broke up with me, but i dont accept his reasoning.  i plan on doing what a friend suggested, to write a note in his locker using the wording above. should i or should i not? i dont know if that will help our relationship in any way. i have watched and read articles saying that i need to excommunicate him for at least 30-60 days so he can see how well i am doing and then trying to become friends again, and falling in love with each other.  what im hoping for is that all he needs  is a bit of time off to see how he truly feels, and then come back to me. even if it takes years. im not sure if my heart can survive it, especially if he starts dating someone else. no one else has treated me so well, has shown me love as he has. i need him back so badly. it hurts just to pass by each other in the halls, sit at lunch(we have the same group of friends.), or even be in class with him where i can see him, smiling, living life normally, in full view. it frightens me that he wont take me back. that even after years of trying that his current love for me wont change, or that ill change my mind about wanting him back. even worse, getting back together, and then breaking up again. any advice is welcome. if you have any questions for me regarding our relationship, please ask! how do i make him fall back in love with me and keep him with me for good? should i give that letter? (i also want answers but i dont know when is the right time)