This is the first person I have ever been in love with. I know I’d still be by his side if he got into a car accident and lost his appearance or even his intelligence. However, prior to him meeting me he had been in love with this girl who kept him at arms length all until he finally found someone who makes him just as happy (as he kindly said). He said I actually am the better option but he has known her for years and has only known me for a much shorter time. Since he isn’t sure what to do, we’ve decided to demote our romantic relationship to being just friends. The intimacy is still very much there, but we are now being sexually abstinent. The other girl he is in love with lives in a different state and he is going to see her for Christmas, as I had recommended he do to better figure things out. I told him that I’d be there for him no matter his decision because I really do love him. I’m still by this girl. I’m angry that she would wait to figure out how she feels after I have already fallen in love with him. She had 6 years of opportunity! She doesn’t want him to have any contact with me and he is angry at her for not understanding how her actions have hurt both him and me. I want to forgive her but I am skeptical of how genuine she is being. My intuition says that she’s just afraid to loose him as a friend. I wouldn’t want them to stop having the intimate friendship they have, even after all of this. However, in order to genuinely support whatever decision he makes I need to truly forgive her and I need to stop trying to compete with her. I keep wanting to “win” but this isn’t about “winning” , this is about things working out the way they are supposed to and that requires me to let go of the need to control my circumstances.

How can I forgive this girl despite my skepticism, and how can I let go of competing with her and just be a good friend to this guy?

How can I separate my emotions from this situation? I know its possible because love is a choice, not an emotion!

• This topic was modified 9 years ago by Brittany.