Dear Shandrea:

“Growing up I did not have a safe space to express how I felt. If I expressed how I felt the older women would laugh at me or spread rumors. I just stopped expressing what I felt“- when you expressed to the older women how you felt, you trusted them to listen and respond to you respectfully. They betrayed your trust when they laughed at you and spread rumors. The girl that you were back then, when it happened, she was very hurt because she was betrayed. I feel badly for her.

“I did not trust my mother because how could you abuse me and call me all these names and then say you love me or care about me“- when your mother told you that she loved you, you trusted her that she really did love you. but when she abused you, she betrayed your trust.  (This exact thing happened to me too!)

“When I got pregnant at 17, I lived with my mom and siblings she didn’t want me to keep the baby so she ignored me, they would walk past me in the house not speak to me or respond to me… She bullied me“- this was a very painful experience for you, one that you did not deserve!

“I did not trust her because she hurt me but then again people say I’m sensitive“- everyone is sensitive to betrayal! Think of it this way, if you will: person A stabs person B. Person B bleeds, and person A says: you bleed because you are sensitive!   But everyone is sensitive to stabbing; everyone bleeds when stabbed!

“I have made a connection, with you. I learned that it is safe to write here. I never thought about this until I reread the post above.“- these are the most precious, special, heart-warming 3 sentences I read in a very long time. Thank you, Shandrea. I am not perfect, of course (ex., late to reply today), but I will not betray your trust in me!

anita

Thank you, Shandrea. I like you, I like who you are!

anita

Dear Shandrea:

“I think I was abused, The adults in my family watched our actions and abused us“- it’s a bad thing that you were abused, and a good thing that you recognize that you were abused, because recognizing it is the basis for healing.

“I was not allowed to say no they made us smile when we were sad“- remember I told you that in the photo you look serious? Wel, you are not smiling in the photo and it is fine with me! I used to hate smiling when I didn’t feel like smiling.  I no longer smile unless I feel like it. Back to your photo: your sincere, unsmiling face is beautiful!

“Also in friendships as well“- it’s important to exit any kind of abusive relationship whenever, wherever possible: be it a parent- child relationship, a romantic relationship, a friends-relationship, any kind.

“I am a product of my environment“- we are very much products of our environments, particularly of the family-environment. If I was born into a very different family, I would have been a very different person. The same is true to you and to everyone else.

Healing from childhood abuse makes it possible for us to become healthier people with much improved inner-experience (how we feel) and outer experience (how we interact with other people).

“When I was a kid nobody cared but my mom but she really didn’t care either“- this means.. nobody cared. I am so sorry. No wonder you didn’t feel like smiling.

“I don’t like being judged. I will take positive criticism“- being judged (criticized unempathetically, aggressively) by others and by ourselves keep us sick. Suggestions on how to function better in life should be offered empathetically, gently and kindly.

“I am so thankful to have found this website, and thankful to have met Anita.. Thank you for giving me a safe space, to let out all the things my childhood tried to make me hide“- you are very welcome. I am glad to have done my part in offering you a safe space to reveal, to no longer hide.

“I signed myself up for therapy… because I always thought I was different and if I am I want to know.“- good thing, Shandrea.

Getting to know who you are underneath the abuse, who you are beyond being a product of the environment is an amazing discovery process, one that will make you feel accomplished (title of your thread: I want to feel accomplished) every day, as long as you are engaged in the process!

Reading your recent posts this Tues morning has made my day a better day, thank you!

anita

You just made me smile (I definitely felt like smiling)!

anita

Dear Shandrea:

I was too tired last night to answer a simple question: well, I was very tired last night because I was awake since 3+ am yesterday. I was awake tonight as well (as I am every night, almost), but to my relief I finally went back to sleep and woke up in a reasonable hour. Please feel free, Shandrea to post anytime, on any topic. I would like to read about how you think and feel anytime you feel like sharing.

anita