This seems so trivial compared to some of the problems I’ve read about on here but I’d still like any advice you guys can offer. First a little background. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 2.5 years. Exclusive for a little over 2. Living together for 2. About 6 months ago we went out of town for a weekend and a couple of friends were supposed to join us. One couple couldn’t go at the last minute because of a work obligation and my female friend (we’ll call her Jane) was a maybe. I started texting her the evening of the trip and she told me it wasn’t looking likely because there was a storm coming and she and her husband were having issues so she didn’t think she’d get away for the weekend. (It was a Friday thru Sunday deal). Friday morning I texted her and she said “no go”. So we ended up there alone which we knew was a possibility and we were ok with. I texted her back and forth a few times to make sure she was ok and even texted her Saturday am just to see if there was any possibility she’d be able to come just for that one day.

Second part to the story. There were a series of concerts at a bar as part of this weekend. We went Friday night and both got pretty drunk. I ended up feeling pretty sick and slept on the bathroom for in the hotel with a horrible headache. The next day (Saturday) had a day long, feel yucky, hangover but was determined to finally get out, get food and go to the show that evening. My boyfriend smokes and the hotel is no smoking so he had to walk down stairs a couple times a day to smoke. We were sitting in the restaurant eating, talking and messing on our phones when I saw a text notification pop up on his that read “so Molly (my code name here) doesn’t know?” from my friend that was supposed to come down. He doesn’t know her other than through me and that’s not very well. He doesn’t have her number or she his. I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach but worked up the nerve to ask.

Long story short: while I was drunk he got her number from my phone and stated texting about her coming down. I texted her myself once I found this out and, because he couldn’t tell me WHY other than “I was bored” and “I was drunk when I got the number”, she sent me screenshots of all the texts. They aren’t that bad but they do have a bit of sexual innuendo. Things like “you can pick up guys here, we won’t watch unless you want us to” or “are you sure you can’t ‘cum’ down”. She literally doesn’t respond to these. He knew I was texting her and I was giving him updates about everyone and whether they were able to make it or not yet he didn’t say a word to me or stop texting her.

We had a pretty serious discussion about it. I have some trust issues that I’d been working very hard on and this set me back almost to the beginning. Honestly, if we’d been at home I can’t say I wouldn’t have walked out. He apologized profusely and admitted that he was wrong, he didn’t want her in any way and he did something stupid that he’d never do again. And he hasn’t. We share a cell phone plan and I know who he texts for the most part.

He’s been great since then (and before then, honestly). I truly believe this was a, relatively small, hiccup in our relationship in the grand scheme. However, that was 6 months ago and we’re headed back to the same area for an event. Same hotel, same bar, same situation of him having to go out to smoke. It’s going to bring back all those thoughts of…I thought everything was fine until I accidentally read “so, molly doesn’t know?”. I can’t live expecting a second shoe to drop that likely won’t. And I don’t really want to discuss it with him because I don’t want to punish him repeatedly for a mistake that he’s made amends for and hasn’t repeated. We leave this evening and I just can’t stop thinking about it. Only got about 4 hours of sleep last night.

Any advice would be much appreciated. I know it’s not a big deal but I want to learn how to get past these things without allowing them this much control over my emotions. This should be in the past!

• This topic was modified 8 years, 7 months ago by HippieChick.