Dear anjum niklo:

I hope you don’t give in to peer pressure or parent pressure. The friends who tell you that “it (specifically being comfortable with being physically intimate with the man) doesn’t matter all you need is a good man and good security”- if you took their advice, it will not be those people giving you the advice who will be sleeping in the same bed with this man, night after night, year after year. It will be YOU in that bed, that is why it is YOUR decision. Same applies to your parents.

I full mindedly and heartedly agree with you: “our internal satisfaction is very necessary for our well being”- there is not a single woman in the world with “internal satisfaction” who is miserable. And yet, there are many, many women with “a good man and good security” who are miserable. That is evidence.

(And by “a good man” in this context, people mean a financially stable/ capable man who is also polite, perhaps, not violent- not necessarily anything else).

anita

Dear anjum niklo:

I re-read your posts and it occurred to me that you are not over the breakup with your ex boyfriend of six years. You didn’t process the sadness of it yet. You wrote: “I’m very practical in life …I was able to gather myself in few days and live my life fully.” I think it is that “very strong defence mechanism that Im trying to guard myself all the time” that made it possible for you to gather yourself in a few days, but in your heart, like you wrote, he still is perfect for you.

Maybe that is the reason you are “really confused”- your heart is broken but your brain doesn’t know it yet… the defense mechanism, a dissociation, a separation of thought from feeling.

If I am correct, then you should probably, somehow, little by little feel the pain of the breakup. It did happen and it does hurt you, deeply…

Please do post anytime.

anita

Dear anjum niklo:

You are welcome. It is wise to not make “any decision in fear”- very wise, all the troubles you can prevent by  making decisions when calm, over a period of time of calm. The vision is clear when calm, you can look at different angles and consider options. When in fear a person is driven to escape distress any which way, often choosing the wrong way.

“Just waiting for the better time” (to make decisions)- again, wise and practical. I am impressed. A simple concept, one may say, but so often ignored.

It would be best if people around you, parents, friends, will not push you this way or that way, on any topic at this time. You can tell them so, assert yourself so you are not exposed to any such pressure about what you should or should not do.

Regarding your fear itself, when it became excessive (when you suffered from/ diagnosed (?) with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, GAD), what was your fear about then and how long ago was it?

anita

Dear anjum niklo:

Your anxiety started in 2011 with a panic attack. That was the year when you started your six year relationship, isn’t it? I am glad you took things to your own hands and did the research, read and helped yourself. You are very resourceful.

I am not familiar with the book At Last A Life. I googled it and found one quote from it: ““Anxiety loves avoidance, so take its power away and embrace it. Stop letting it influence what you do and stop running away from these feelings. This is the way forward.”

anita

Dear anjum niklo:

You wrote a couple of posts ago: “You are doing a great job here (thank you!).  If you come across someone dealing with anxiety disorder ocd etc please recommend (the book).  It will save their life lot of miseries”- as I wrote to you, I didn’t read the book. You did and it was and is of great help to you. You are welcome to reply to other people’s posts, when they share about their anxiety and recommend this book. Replying to others may help you as well. It helps me to reply and communicate with others.

anita