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I’m so confused in my direction of life? What should i do?

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  • #355486
    Felix
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    So basically i’m 21 now, and i’m in the path of continuing my father’s business after graduating from university. After studying abroad im back in my hometown, every day mostly i spend my time in my room only watching movies (due to coronavirus)… as every position in my father’s business (aquarium business and housing contractors) has been occupied, i still don’t know what they are trying to make me work… when i ask what should i do.. they’ll just give me a small work that requires no responsibility and is easy. Therefore this leads me to be in my room more especially when right now is lockdown so they told me not to come out (only my dad goes to work). Because i keep being in my room, my dad is always mad at me.. he said that i’m very lazy… because everytime he ask me to do his hobbies/activities when he has finished work like jogging, and taking a look at his garden.. i always refuse because i have no interest in that. I also dont wanna do that activities because i hardly talk to my dad, i’m not close to him and also he’s an introverted guy and has few friends. My dad always told me to go workout instead of being in my room… but i just dont like working out as i have a weak stamina. I never really like sports. Actually i’m pretty bored myself if i keep watching in my room everyday, but it’s just that im too lazy to do any stuffs.

    As for my work, i still don’t know what will i do later on, because my dad always look as me as a person who’s passive and only can wait for someone to do it for me. I’m really worried on this because i dont want my future girlfriend to look at me as a worthless person who can’t do work, but it’s just that im confused on what to do. And also i have no choice but to continue in my father’s footsteps. Sometimes i think that i should have just try finding a job abroad (in the country where my uni is) even though if the salary is very low so that people (my future girlfriend) could look at me as a person with a job… but even if i work there, i’ll still end up going back to my hometown…. Right now i really hate being in my hometown, i didn’t meet new people at all… and i thought if i find a job abroad maybe i can find new people that maybe one of them could end up be in a relationship with me, but i’ll have to keep saving money only to pay the rent there, so it’s actually not worth it.

    I really wanted to have a partner (girl) to talk to, to cuddle to, to hug… i always imagine this mostly before i’m sleeping but i dont even know how my life will become with this confusing path and also i haven’t met new people (also my parents have very little friends, and they hardly introduce any new people to me). I also always wanted to have a family on my own, but with continuing my parents business i know i’ll always get attached to them even though i prefer to have my own privacy.

    Does people my age usually feel like this? I really feel that i have improved myself psychologically, but in terms on life i haven’t improved at all

     

    Felix

    • This topic was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by Felix.
    #357053
    Jennifer
    Participant

    Hi Felix,

    your issues are not age-related. They just show an existential crisis, which is a great thing! See this as THE opportunity to create the change you want to see in your life, as neither your social life, nor your professional, family or love life seem to align to what feels a higher purpose for you. This is a period where everything that is not really serving you falls slowly apart, if you allow it to.

    Try to put away other people’s judgements – or what your think they think of you.

    Don’t just ask yourself what you truly want to do with your life, but what you would do even if you knew you would fail ?

    Sometimes it’s not about a specific job, or a girlfriend, at least not in the beginning. It could be simply about learning something. Finding a hobby. Whatever it is that you want to do, regardless of any outcome, is going to be the first step into the right direction.

    You have to make that first step!

    Love and light,

    Jennifer

    #358845
    Juanita
    Participant

    Hi Felix,

    I am sorry you’ve not received more replies.  It is terrible to feel so confused and disorientated about life.  I hope you are feeling a little better in the meantime?  I am not especially qualified to help you I’m afraid, just a normal person who can very much empathise with your feelings and give you my humble opinion.

    It seems to me that you are already aware of feeling disempowered because of your father’s attitude (behaviour and comments) towards you, and the detrimental effect upon your general well-being, which is not surprising from what you relate.  I felt very similar about my parent’s attitude towards me and I reacted by becoming introverted when living at home.  I don’t know if it is possible for you financially, but my advice would be to try and find the help of a qualified psychologist, either in person or online.  Someone who validates your feelings and can help you to negotiate your way forward in life.

    In reading your story, I get the feeling of a caged animal.  If you have ever seen how magnificently powerful wild animals become totally apathetic when they are resigned and hopeless behind the bars at the zoo? Well this is the image I am seeing for you.  I don’t see you as weak or useless, it’s just that some people need more freedom than they presently have and they react to lack of freedom with apathy.  And it is okay to be that person, but you need someone to help you work through your fear that it is not okay to need more freedom, because it conflicts with parental and possibly social expectations.

    There is a special place and vocation for every person on the planet and I am sure yours is waiting for you, if you can get the help to dare to be you.  I believe it is very important for you to at least try, because our needs can only be suppressed temporarily, they never go away, so you might as well take the bull by the horns now.  Why extend your suffering even longer?

    I hope this may have helped a little.

    Juanita

     

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