July 10, 2018 at 4:25 pm #216205
I've posted recently about depression/PTSD.
Since I can't really afford therapy, I've had to do my best to self-diagnose myself, (not easy)…;)
I will do great in a job and then sabotage myself by hating the work I'm doing and eventually quit.
I've always felt like a fake in work and that someone was going to figure out that I'm smart. I can't commit to anything in the future because I do this every job. I'm dying to move out of my mothers guest house (which I made beautiful), but I'm scared I won't be able to pay for a rental in about 3 months when I run out of money. I don't have a girlfriend because I'm afraid she'll leave me if she finds out all my flaws, (including sabotaging work).
I found Imposter Syndrome in my research and it sounds spot on for me.
Does anyone know of any good books to read on Imposter Syndrome?
I really think I'm on to something here…:)
I don't know about the imposter syndrome you mentioned. What I do figure is that this is the most recent thing the mental representative of your mother, the one screaming at you in the brain, is currently screaming: you are an imposter!
A child starts as one mental entity with one's mother. What she screamed at you before, her mental rep keeps screaming at you now. Not only that, it finds new things to scream about (Imposter!)
I wrote to you a short while ago, on your other thread, that you feel relatively comfortable living in your mother's guest house. You wrote here that you made it beautiful.
Thing is, even if you did move away, far, far away, you will still hear her screaming at you. You will be taking her mental representative with you wherever you go.
Maybe one day you will be motivated enough to give up the relative comfort, that beautiful guest house, and then start and persist with a healing process, noticing, identifying, and over time, muting that screaming voice.
(What she told you, what her mental rep still tells you is not true. If it was true you wouldn't feel distressed about what it tells you).
- This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.