In a great relationship but I need help

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This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 4 months ago by Clint.

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June 24, 2014 at 12:12 am #59447

Clint
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I’m currently in a great relationship. The girl is pretty much all I want in a person. However I have problems with my emotions for/with her. I get real jealous but I’m real passive about it. My girlfriend is really social, she loves talking to pretty much anyone. But sometimes the way she speaks with other guys makes me uncomfortable and jealous. She notices this and changes the way she acts, which makes me feel like an asshole for being jealous and making her feel like she has to adjust herself. But there times when she seems too eager to answer to some comments from other guys and this just makes my blood boil. Its not so much that I get angry at her but at myself for letting it happen or for letting people think it okay to approach her like that. I know this probably sounds stupid to most of you. I know I need to control my emotions for both our sake. I was wondering if any of you could help me out.

June 24, 2014 at 1:56 am #59448

Momchil
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Dear Clint
I am 19 years old and male. I can imagine what you are going through. Nevertheless I would suggest a different approach. In my opinion you shouldn’t try to control your feelings nor should you burst in anger or jealousy. These feelings have a root and unless you can find that root you will never be able to completely get rid of them. I recommend boosting your self-confidence (not saying that is the issue, but it couldn’t hurt). I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of jealousy. It was very unpleasant for me, although some people like it and seek it. Have you talked to yoir girlfriend anout it? If she has chosen you, she has chosen you for a reason. She hasn’t chosen that guy at the bar or the other one at… Jealousy csn be quite suffocating for some people and unless she is okey with it or forces it in some way you should look for the aforementioned roots. Last but not least you shouldn’t worry about it much. Seldom does worrying help.

Best regards
Momchil

June 24, 2014 at 4:29 am #59456

banu
Participant

Dear Clint

Just follow one saying ” if you really love something.. Just let it go.. if it comes back to you, it is yours!! Else it never belonged to you!!!”. You can understand i think!!. Possessiveness is part of any true relationship. You need to feel possessive and protect the other person. But there is a fine line to that. If it exceeds, then you make it obsessive. However, jealousy is just underestimating yourself. All you need is to use your analytical mind. Everyone has their nature. She may be that extra jovial type. How she is with you must just matter to you, then Trust! If you are clingy you can never get a true relationship.

Remember to follow a detachment in attachment. Believe me you will feel so nice from inside. Jealousy makes you feel more sick. He or she will do what they have to do. So you determine how you react. I don’t know your age. But I am 42 and have enough experience in life. I learnt hard way in my life – to respond and not to react!! Good wishes to you!!!

Best Regards
banu

June 24, 2014 at 5:21 am #59459

didi2136
Participant

Dear Clint,
i’m in similar situation and all i can say is that insecurity is only related to how do you feel about you.
When you see her talking with other boys, maybe you feel you’re not good enough or so interesting and funny compared to her friends.
Maybe what affects you is the idea that she’s kind to other guys too.
First of all, talk to her about how you feel. Than, when you start feel that way, try to understand the real reasons why do you feel that way.
Maybe your jealous is only fear or insecurity of losing her. Remember, a relationship is about two individuals that trust and love each other. I hope that I have helped in some way! (Sorry about the english, it’s not my native language)

Best Regards,
Di

June 24, 2014 at 6:14 am #59460

EagleEye
Participant

CLint,
First of all, I am glad you have found someone that makes you happy. And I applaud you for asking for help/advice to make your relationship better. Don’t be afraid to share your feelings about the situation with her. I would just suggest to talk to her when you are not heated and not in a group setting. It is my thought that some people carry a strong light from within and attract people due to their energy. They are givers and love to help/share ideas with others. Understand who she is and her intentions. If you are confortable with them then that should help with building trust. From there, perhaps start putting more belief in your love for each other and putting more value to you. If you smother her too much about your jealous actions she may want to distance herself to feel relief from the situation. But if you work on yourself more and build up your own self esteem that can only make both of you stronger-singly and together as a couple. She will be more attracted to your light and you as a person. Focus on yourself. You are worth it and she already knows it-otherwise she wouldnt be with you. Best of luck to you both.

June 24, 2014 at 9:53 am #59470

Clint
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Thank you to all that have offered their advice/insight. I’ll deffinately take some time to really think about every thing said here 🙂
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