Home→Forums→Love Book Forums→Authenticity and Vulnerability→International Woman's Day
- This topic has 11 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 4 months ago by
Marie.
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March 8, 2017 at 11:37 am #137635
lonedoveParticipantSo I am completing March 10 challlenge (a day or two early)…
People would definitely judge me if they knew that I had an abortion.
I have been working hard on addressing the shame I feel associated with this decision. I found it fitting seeing is how today is International Woman’s Day and I live in a country where this service is free of charge in non- judgemental environment to also take this opportunity to be thankful. Thankful for my right to choose what is best for this child (I’ll never get to meet) and what is best for myself at this time in my life. Thankful for non-judgemental free healthcare. Thankful for those few who knew and supported my decision either way. Thankful for those who have since found out and have not judged. Thankful for those who have listened when I still needed to talk about it and thankful for those who held me and dried my tears even though they didn’t know.
March 8, 2017 at 11:51 am #137637
AnonymousGuestDear lonedove:
And thank you for making the right choice.
Congratulations for completing the March 10 Challenge so well, if I may say so.
anita
March 8, 2017 at 12:05 pm #137639lonedoveParticipantThanks for your response. 🙂 It’s been a challenging month so far, I’ve discovered I despise being vulnerable and generally have learned to guard myself quite well, all while still managing to cultivate fairly close relationships, however always feeling like there was a hole. I’ve discovered the gap or key element missing might be authenticity, but I have also discovered when we are our authentic selves it can often make others uncomfortable. Then come the well meaning, yet often unhelpful or damaging comments, it’s not worth crying over, just let it go, but so often part of the process of letting it go is feeling validated in our feelings. So thus we learn to hide our true selves little by little, maybe in part for self preservation, maybe in part for other’s “comfortableness” . So I always try to encourage those who post real feelings, real life stories on Facebook…….And now I think I will be able to complete March 11 challenge….. in re-posting some version of this on social media.
March 8, 2017 at 12:38 pm #137647AnonymousGuestDear lonedove:
Caution about posting about this highly charged political/ religious issue of abortion on social media, as this one, I suppose, Facebook is another: as you know, this is a highly charged topic. I happen to fully and passionately agree with your choice. If a woman posted here about her decision to keep the child, I wouldn’t have responded abusively to her. But many (elsewhere, if not here) would and do.
What do you think/ feel (I have a feeling, by reading your thoughtfulness in your posts that you already gave it much thought)?
anita
March 8, 2017 at 12:47 pm #137653lonedoveParticipantOh yeah no I would never post that on Facebook about abortion, not a “safe” forum, amongst many other reasons!! Definitely would not, would not!!!!
Sorry I meant the part about authenticity and what I feel blocks my own authenticity ( the part in the second post in my reply and thanks to you)
Some less harsh version of that 🙂
March 8, 2017 at 1:05 pm #137655lonedoveParticipantOh yeah no I would never post that on Facebook about abortion, not a “safe” forum, amongst many other reasons!! Definitely would not, would not!!!!
Sorry I meant the part about authenticity
” [a challenging month so far, I’ve discovered I despise being vulnerable and generally have learned to guard myself quite well, all while still managing to cultivate fairly close relationships, however always feeling like there was a hole. I’ve discovered the gap or key element missing might be authenticity, but I have also discovered when we are our authentic selves it can often make others uncomfortable. Then come the well meaning, yet often unhelpful or damaging comments, it’s not worth crying over, just let it go, but so often part of the process of letting it go is feeling validated in our feelings. So thus we learn to hide our true selves little by little, maybe in part for self preservation, maybe in part for other’s “comfortableness” ]
Some less harsh version of that 🙂
March 8, 2017 at 1:42 pm #137657AnonymousGuestDear lonedove:
I thought, incorrectly, that the “real life stories” in your second post sentence: “I always try to encourage those who post real feelings, real life stories on Facebook”- to include what you didn’t mean to include (relief).
Before Facebook, I found self help groups to be the place to express my authenticity. It was a safe place because there were observable rules: not to interrupt a person’s share, not to “cross talk” and “using I/me/my statements (instead of “you) were two of the rules, as I remember.
The “hole” you mentioned, when not authentic- yes, a gaping, widening hole in my case, for many years, and the misery matched it. There is peace and mental health in being authentic, true to oneself.
I hope you post again if … this is authentic and helpful to you.
anita
March 8, 2017 at 4:02 pm #137667lonedoveParticipantIt’s funny your last sentence caught me because I think not being vulnerable is something I worked very hard at not being for so long…. to be vulnerable doesn’t always feel “authentic” (actually this was part of the struggle in the beginning of these challenges).
Like I’m trying to be someone I’m not, but guess what this challenge (as a whole 365 days) is about change and being better, being true to our inner self, not the self we want to project, or the self we “think ” we are. So I told my ego and my superego to scram and come back another day. Id wants to play. (Okay terrible Freud reference, clearly joking) But I hope you get my point. So in the end does discussing it here does help. Thank you 🙂
March 8, 2017 at 7:01 pm #137707AnonymousGuestDear lonedove:
How exciting: you are the first person other than me, on this website, in my experience here, who is referring to the Freudian Ego and not to the Buddhist Ego!
When you don’t feel like being vulnerable, when it doesn’t feel authentic, it is when the Id (aka inner child) is saying: no, I don’t want to! Don’t want to! I am scared!
The Superego, when it takes after an un-empathetic parent, may make fun of the Id, talk down to it. But the Ego, if you are in the process of healing, will take the hand of the scared child and slowly lead her to take a small vulnerable step, just one, because it is for your benefit.
When a kind Ego replaces the unkind Superego, being gentle and patient with the Id, “parenting” that inner child with love, then a choice that doesn’t feel right is authentic because it comes from self care.
Does it make sense to you, what I wrote here?
anita
March 8, 2017 at 7:13 pm #137717lonedoveParticipantYes! Total sense. I’m slowly learning more about Buddhism….I’m not sure I understand the Buddhist ego completely. Would you be so kind as to enlighten me a little or point me in direction of some reading resources on this subject?
March 8, 2017 at 7:40 pm #137769AnonymousGuestDear lonedove:
In my last post to you I was talking strictly Freud. I made no reference to the Buddhist Ego. As far as the latter, you can look at Wikipedia, ego in Buddhism or the like. I’ve been so removed for so long from the latter concept that I do not remember at this point.
anita
August 24, 2017 at 6:30 am #165416
MarieParticipantCongratulations for that completion.
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