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Intimidated by other peoples economic status

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  • #114787
    Lester
    Participant

    Hi there. This feeling is not new, it’s just the first time I want to ask other people about it. I joined a volleyball community in my city just to get some exercise and meet new people. I’ve realized it’s one of the best ways to enjoy my life; to play, smile, and have fun in a social setting. I’ve shied away from such activities for most of my life because of a certain issue I’m about to discuss. That is that, I feel intimidated by other people’s economic status. I view everyone as always having a better financial status than me and it’s making me hesitate in developing some relationships with them. I feel self conscious of my financial status. I feel ashamed when I say that I took the bus to go to a certain game. Or that I would have to skip the lunch after the game because I’m trying to save a few bucks. I have to force myself to actively attend because from experience I know my body likes it, but I can’t get over the not being able to keep up with them financially thing. They are not rich, I’m just really poor at this point of my life, so even as simple as going out to iHop for breakfast before the game, I skip on. No one is looking down on me for my financial status, but my self esteem keeps telling me I can never keep up with them. Is this just a bad fit for friends for me or am I just caught up in my own self-esteem issues?

    Everyone goes through life at their own pace, I reasoned. I may not be in the same pace as them now, but it doesn’t mean that someday I won’t be.

    #114788
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lester:

    You wrote: ” I feel intimidated by other people’s economic status.”

    You are intimidated, that is afraid to be … found out by the other people as one less than them, less worthy.
    Afraid that other people will find out you have less money than they do and as they do, they will reject you? Make fun of you?

    In the volleyball group of people, each other person is afraid of something: some are intimidated by others’ better looking bodies and faces; others are intimidated by others’ formal education; others are intimidated by others’ marital status and so forth.

    Some don’t look intimidated but then you too don’t always look intimidated. Yet, as it says in a poem I like:
    “Every one of us has to find a way to live with fear.”

    Fear is a very powerful emotion, the most powerful of all. Your fear is stuck on financial status. Another’s fear is stuck on him being bald while others have hair, and so on and so on.

    Every one of us has to find a way to live with fear.

    Regarding your financial status, if I was in the volleyball group I would be okay with you taking a bus (I have taken buses many times), and I would be okay with you not being able to go to IHOP. In fact I wouldn’t go either. Instead I would suggest you and I make pancakes together- way healthier than IHOP. I would introduce you to my favorite pancake topping: a mix of tahini and maple syrup- delightful!!!

    anita

    #114802
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    Ergh at IHOP. Greasy spoon.

    Will let you in on a secret: sometimes the guys/gals who make it look like the have money don’t.

    Back when I lived in Florida, observed several different types of wealthy or pseudo-wealthy people. There were the ones who drove the newest fastest cars around, etc: and those who you really couldn’t tell they had money unless you knew them. Guess what, the ones in the first camp didn’t always have the money to back up the show.

    Knew a man really well down there who honestly looked like a bum; always wore a white cotton undershirt and what appeared to be swimming trunks. Probably bought everything at Wal-mart from the sale isle. However, he had rediculous amounts of money, as in not asking about item cost levels. If you had not seen him get out of his car, a Mercedes CL 600, you’d probably have no idea that he had money.

    Conversely, have met folks who spend way more than they make, and it often time catches up with them. They do it to impress, to feel better about themselves short term, etc.

    Simply stated, the outward display of money may mean nothing.

    There is also no reason to be intimidated by money. The presence or absence of money doesn’t make the person a jerk. For all practical purposes, there is always going to be somebody richer than you are and somebody poorer than you are. And, at the end of the day, both Bill Gates and a pauper meet the same end.

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