Home→Forums→Share Your Truth→Invisible voices is my battle
- This topic has 2 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 8 months ago by Dori.
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January 16, 2015 at 11:14 pm #71461DoriParticipant
Hello all !
PerfectlyImperfectlyMe was created because its my favorite tattoo on myself. I believed it described me very well. Anyway, I am here to confess my battle so that I can read over it and really reflect. Also any insight and advice will be appreciated.
In my life, the voice disguised as my own would tell me negative things about me. Recently, I have heard it more often as I go through a relationship with someone who have put their hands on me. For awhile, I believed I deserved it. And after letting him back in and connecting with his pain, I began to love and take up for him regardless of the red flags going off in my stomach. After a few arguments and fears of reliving that moment he hit me, I started to realize how much my self talk (invisible voices) were getting worse. And finally I have realized that I attracted someone with my thoughts and insecurities and that this relationship is doing more harm then good. I admit that we have made strides in our relationship, but for awhile now I have also had a feelings that its time for me to heal away from my current situation and finally realize the great things about me and love me. My real stop sign in my plans to retreat for me is my children. My self talk about leaving them with family is also negative. My fears of I would look as a parent. But something is really telling me that this time for me is for them. They have seem some bad things happen to me and I can’t continue on living this cycle expecting different results. I have never been happy and enjoyed what I have. And I have so many negative memories and toxic relationships with family and men that I now see that I can’t feel bad for looking out for myself. For finally caring enough about myself to want better. I know this is probably scattered and long, but I needed this. Thank you
PerfectlyImperfectlyMe
January 17, 2015 at 9:35 am #71476AerisParticipantHi there,
I just came across this because I saw ‘invisible voices’ as the title, and I have this issue too. Not with being hit or being in an abusive relationship but negative self-talk in general, largely to do with anxiety. I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I thought I’d offer my take, if it’s okay.
Do you know how when you’re on an airplane, they explain how the oxygen masks work? They tell you to put the mask on yourself before helping anyone else, including your children. Because you can’t help them if you are not safe first.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to leave that relationship. It’s a place that you aren’t safe, and that is the first requirement of a relationship. Safety, respect, trust – those are all fundamentals. It sounds like you’ve had abusive relationships before, and that you’ve lost sight of what a normal, healthy relationship is. If it’s abusive, in any way (including verbal) it is not healthy.
You can’t take care of your children if you don’t first take care of yourself. Leave the toxic, dangerous and upsetting relationship, no matter how hard it is for you, because you will never get better for as long as you stay in it. Be strong for yourself and for your children. By taking the time to take care of yourself, you will also be taking care of them. It’s time for you and your kids – but it must start with you.
I don’t know you but I wish you the best. Listen to your heart. Listen to the stronger voices. Listen to the feeling in your belly. Sometimes, our heads get confused. But our hearts know what’s right. Quiet down and listen. You’ll feel the truth, and you’ll feel what’s right. Look at your children and do what is best and safe for them. Don’t let them grow up witnessing their mother in a bad relationship. Do it for yourself and for them. You must protect yourself in order to protect your children.
You can do it. I believe in you. You’re stronger than you think.
Aeris
January 19, 2015 at 8:10 am #71589DoriParticipantthat was amazing words. thank you!
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