Is it a slum or an incoming depressive episode?

HomeForumsTough TimesIs it a slum or an incoming depressive episode?

This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Tony Farrell 7 months ago.

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    I feel as though every time I write I am in the tough times forums, but the advice really helps, so thank you for taking the time to read this and apologies if it sounds redundant as my last ones.

    I attempted dating again over my winter break and met a wonderful guy. He was intelligent and smart and intuitive, we had a lot in common and really hit it off. Unfortunately, he ended it which I was okay with because I was having a lot of anxiety about being ready for a relationship, and he was feeling the same way. I was a little upset when he brought it up, the petty side of me wished I would have said something before he did, but none-the-less things ended amicably and feelings were mutual. Although I was relieved for the little fling to be over, I will admit that I was sad because I genuinely enjoyed his company and him as a person.

    However, during this time, my normally M.I.A. mother came back into my life; she does this when I have a love interest. And though I should have expected it, she went M.I.A. again after I told her him and I had ended things. She bailed out of a birthday trip she had planned for me, as well as took it personal when I did not share a blog post with her after posting it. She also has quit checking in on me, but managed to send me a Valentine’s gift, which honestly ticked me off more than it made me feel good. To me, this seemed a little condescending.

    School has been bogging me down. I am working about 36 hours a week and taking 15 credit hours. My friends are all in the same boat, so though I love them and truly they are wonderful, we are all majorly stressed out seem to be a mopey bunch when we are together. I am working on looking for a new job, but am finding the anxiety of changing jobs is a tad bit immobilizing.

    I am definitely sleeping too much, and isolating myself. I don’t feel like doing much and find myself bailing on plans and staying in rather than going out and socializing. I know I should be out doing things, but I feel so defeated. There are a lot of things I should be doing but find myself procrastinating on, for example, my lease ends in a month and I should be packing and cleaning to prepare for my next apartment but haven’t.

    Not totally sure what is going on with me; I can’t tell if I am in a slump or if this is the brimming of a depressive episode. I am open to any suggestions as to what to do to make myself feel a little better.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this!



    Dear Sam:

    Your schedule is intense: 36 hours per week working in addition to school. Do you think it will help if you can (can you?) lower the number of hours you work per week?



    Tony Farrell

    Sometimes life is hard. And unfortunately you can’t sidestep your responsibilities to regain a little piece of mind.

    I’d like to suggest that you be mindful of the present. Using an example from my own life, I have been lucky enough to live in some fairly remarkable places. And often forget the world around me because I am so wrapped up in the stresses of daily life.
    Every now and then, when I open my eyes, I see the everyday beauty surrounding me. Only when I allow myself to be mindful of the present.

    Don’t worry about boyfriends past, present or future. They’ll come and go. Love yourself first.

    Don’t worry about your mother’s expectations of you. That’s her burden not yours.

    School is a means to an end. And if it ever becomes too much then don’t do it. I can tell you the wealthiest people I have ever known, personally, were not college educated instead they were driven to succeed.

    I, myself, make a comfortable six figure income and am just a few credits shy of an Associate’s Degree, not even my Bachelor’s. I chose life experiences over classroom instruction. It has not always been easy, however, it has been rewarding.
    Open yourself up to the experiences life has to offer you.

    As for your current job, I can’t take credit for this bit of advice, it came from a former supervisor of mine (from 28 years ago and it still resonates with me today), “I was looking for a job when I found this one”.
    If you’re truly not happy with what you do then do something else.

    Remember, though, the reward doesn’t always come from the job itself -maybe it’s your co-workers or even your clients. If you can’t find anything rewarding then change your situation. Don’t be exhausted by the process of finding a new employer, instead be excited by the new possibilities of meeting people that can enrich your life.

    I have had many careers in my life and even more “jobs”. Some were important, some were mundane and most were downright trivial. And yet each offered me a new experiences and people that touched my life.

    Please take care and I wish you peace.



    Thank you both for taking the time to respond.

    Anita – Unfortunately, I can’t, which does leave me stuck in a bit of a hole.

    Farrellsx6 – Thank you for the thoughtful response. Reading it left me feeling refreshed and hopeful. The part about boyfriends and my mom truly resonates and hits home, because s much as I hate to admit it, those are probably two of the biggest stresses in my life. I feel like I put a lot of energy into worrying about both of them, with little to show or to come from it. Being mindful and present is something I struggle with, sometimes it definitely feels like the world is so big and I don’t know how to take on the whole thing. Though, in times of peace, I realize it’s not the whole thing that needs to be taken on, just right now. I do find when I open myself to new experiences, I feel renewed and understood. I am someone who thrives from interactions and engaging with others as well as exploring and trying new things.


    Tony Farrell

    Your line “I realize it’s not the whole thing that needs to be taken on, just right now” reminds me of the old cliché: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!

    I am truly sorry that your boyfriend and mom contribute a large amount of stress to your life. Those should be the two greatest supports for you to lean on. One of them you can do something about and one you’re stuck with. However, even with your mom you can control the relationship. Just do so with thoughtfulness. You have greater power in your life than you know.

    I sincerely hope the best for you.

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