Dear Tom:

I figure your emotions are “real and authentic”. Is the 36 hour relationship one of two soulmates destined to be together? (“Is it destined to me…I think I have found my soulmate”)- only if you believe in destiny and soulmates and you stated early in your thread that you don’t believe in soulmates. I don’t.

I think you had a very intense emotional experience, very meaningful. But it doesn’t mean that a relationship between the two of you is a destiny, something decided upon by a higher power of sorts. It just means you had an intense emotional experience.

Why don’t you communicate with him online, tell him a bit about how it felt for you and ask him how it felt for him. If you didn’t ask him yet, ask him if he is involved in a relationship with someone else, and if he is not, if he is interested in a long distance, exclusive relationship with you?

If you ask for and receive honest information from him, your anxiety is likely to significantly decrease and you will make informed decisions regarding him.

anita

Dear Tom:

By “flying me out”, you mean that he offered to pay for an airline ticket for you to visit him- if so, do you think it was a time sensitive offer that is no longer there for you?

I would say, find out if his offer still stands. If it doesn’t, that is information for you, that what he felt then is no longer what he feels. What do you think?

anita

Dear Tom:

First, a rewriting of this very new happening in your life (it helps me process information when I do that): you met a man a bit more than a week ago on vacation, an initial attraction turned into “something highly intense.. emotionally and physically”. You “felt transported into a connection and a relationship that I know was deep and meaningful” for the duration of 36 hours spent together. You felt intensely about him after the vacation, “falling and falling for this guy” and you wrote, “He is really on my wavelength and it was like nothing I have experienced before”.

You’ve been wondering if it was “just one of those remarkable moments…Or (your destiny)”; part of you is hopeful for that destiny with your soulmate (if he is that) and the other part is scared and doubtful, worrying that you were too intense and that you turned him off somehow (“‘I’m being too intense!’.. I’ve put him off me”)/

He initiated further contact with you after the vacation, suggesting you visit him in his country, not a long flight away, if I understand correctly,  and you will be seeing him in two weeks.

My input: clearly the attraction was mutual and meaningful for the two of you. Chances are that he is not as emotionally moved and involved as you are. How do I know? I don’t, but I figure you are let’s say 99% in, so what are the chances he is 99% in as well- not many because two people don’t feel the very same way, the very same intensity, not being the same person.

You wrote that at one point after the vacation: “He has also went quieter with no real interest in conversation with text messages ending ‘have a fun day'”- ask yourself, would you lose interest in conversation with him, even if you didn’t like texting or were busy, supposed to be doing something else? Or would you forget everything else, and communicate with him, it being your first priority by far?

If your answer is that you would communicate with him as your first priority by far, and he didn’t at that moment you wrote about, then it means that you feel more intensely than he does, at least at that moment.

Again, two people don’t feel the same, and not at the same intensity, and not for the same length of time. At any one time, one feels more than the other, or is distracted and so forth.

No doubt your feelings are real and authentic. Remember that he is a different person, not the same as you. He is attracted to you and wants to spend time with you. Accept beforehand, before flying to see him that the relationship might be just that visit. I hope not but it might. Be okay with it best you can. Be okay with your intensity and with the possibility that the relationship will be short.

Enjoy the moment with him, best you can. Communicate to him the real and authentic you by being that, real and authentic. Any time you worry about the future, return to the present. What will be- will be. Stay in the here-and-now.

Think of the coming visit not as a time and place where you will be judged and your future determined, good or bad. Think of the visit as two people coming together with the intention of .. being together for a while. If this visit would be the second and the last one, than make it memorable by being engaged in the here-and-now with him.

(Engaging with him in the here-and-now is your best chance of engaging with him in the future).

I hope you post again anytime you’d like. I want this visit to be a good one for you.

anita