Dear Dj:

I am not clear: your wife moved out and doesn’t want to be a wife and a mother anymore? Does that mean that you are living with your three children? What kind of contact does she have with the children?

Is she open at all to the possibility of moving back in with you.. is she open to couple counseling, or is she intent on making up for what she considers a wasted time (being your wife and a mother to her three children)?

anita

Dear Dj:

Your wife told you that she is not in love with you and that she doesn’t want to be a wife and a mother anymore, and that she never wanted these things to begin with. She moved out of the home you shared, left you and your three children and is living elsewhere.

You had anger issues and sought and received treatment for it months ago, you apologized to her profusely for past angry behaviors, you tried to talk with her repeatedly, and you tried couple counseling, all without success.

Reads to me like there is nothing you can do at this point other than to take care of business: perhaps attain a legal separation, start divorce proceedings (based on the mother abandoning her children, if that is a legal option), change the keys so she can’t come into the home when you are at work and the children are at school. Perhaps cancel credit cards, re-arrange bank accounts, so that she doesn’t have access to money that needs to go for the care of three children.

Once she left you and her own children, she is no longer the wife or the mother she was, and she stated she does not want to be those things. So my answer to: “Is it time to let her go?” is Yes, let her go as the wife and mother she is no longer.

Take care of your three children, give them the attention and love that they need. Invest your time and energy in them. They must be going through some very difficult time following their mother quitting her job! They need you now more than ever- help them, comfort them, be kind to them (never express anger at them). And please do post again.

anita