It’s been 3 months since I last write on here and I wish I could say I’m better but I actually think I’m doing worse. My story is just that…a story, but why am I clinging onto it as if it did me any good? I am struggling to just get by now, my days have become cloudy. I feel a deep sense of rejection, shame, & guilt and really want to push past all of this. Today I cried and cried while my mother was on the phone, I told her “mom, I swear this is not how I want to feel but this IS how I feel.” I guess I might not be trying enough or this pain is just too great to bear that the grieving will take much longer than the 6 months it has been. I have 2 little boys under my wings, so much I am thankful for, but even with all of the good I am struggling. Ending up being a single mom TWICE is not at all what I had envisioned for myself, but this second time around has been by far the most beautiful AND most heart breaking of my experiences. I toss and turn between these 2 feelings…love & pain. I am stuck not knowing how to let him, the lies & betrayal, and the lack of interest to be involved in his son’s life really go. Is it really a matter of time and no matter how much I do right now TIME is the best medicine?