Fm, and her family are fueding still..pretty much about the same thing.

Fm doesn’t want anyone to come every single day for 4 hours and sit…its a disruption to the atmosphere and peace..especially her grandchild that she hasn’t a relationship with and hasn’t seen in many years. This grandchild hasn’t even called or anything and looks down upon her.

Fm just wants to relax and enjoy her remainder of days without the disruption of an added presence.

One of fm son’s from another state is trying to take control and dictate everything…the 3 here do the physical work of taking her to appointments any everything..which has the brothers feuding with one another…

They all have different opinions and are being disregarded by the one in another state.

He basically lied and duped fm and I.

We were lead to believe that was off the table and that only an inhome nurse would be coming monthly and checking vitals and that would be enough to remain in her insurance program and keep recieving benefits.

Fm didn’t want that…but agreed to that because she was under the impression that if she did this she wouldn’t have her grandchild here.

The nurse had a first visit today for a half an hour…

After he left, her son from out of town calls and tells her that she must have her grandchild over everyday for 4 hours and that she’s going to start on Monday. ..well actually he said tomorrow but fm refused and he switched it.

That the grandchild would be also taking her to appointments from now on.

Completely blindsided and shocked us both.

Fm is upset and saddened, and even more depressed than usual.
Her son gave her this bs spiel and lines telling her this was the only way to remain in the program…and to basically suck it up…

Common sense and if you really cared and respected fm wishes would tell them to either drop the program, and/ or research one that doesn’t require that ..or much often… still don’t know what other benefits and services fm receives from this program other than meals delivery service ..in which she doesn’t eat the meals often…

They still claim they need a medical professional in here to properly diagnosis and determine when fm needs to go to emergency because he feels like she’s going there too much and want to try and deter her from going there as often.

I don’t know how he rationalized this to be logical and the best thing.

Every time she has been to emergency has been an emergency..She listened to her body, intuitions, with encouragement from me, and goes…eventually. The doctors also advise her to immediately visit the er if reoccurring, persistent, or worsening of symptoms occur…which she has.

Also, life isn’t controllable. Life Experience and experiences are unpredictable. No matter who’s here, won’t stop her from needing to go, becoming ill, nor passing.

I am well aware what constitutes as an emergency with her…no one has to be in the medical field to know when someone needs medical assistance…even if someone is unsure, no one has to be in the medical field to encourage and dial for emergency assistance.

It hasn’t been minor things…like he seems to think…and no in home Healthcare service has the ability to extensively test her. He seems to think that the Uti is minor, and could have been found and treated from home..that it could have have saved her an er visit.

She has a series of health problems…and also it is imperative that someone should be thoroughly examined…as there are trillion things it can be…

Uti aren’t minor..they’re serious and need there needs to be an examination..as there are various degrees, strains, and stages.

Fm has serious health problems and if any of them actually read her chart online they would know this, and they would know that the doctors feel like she has Graves disease, arent sure but suspect heart or lung failure…or both, that fm has small cysts and a kidney stone that allegedly is non obstructing, allegedly a small amount of fluid around her left lung, some form of dementia, seizure disorder, etc…

It’s never one thing or a minor thing.

Fm went to the er hospital twice this week because of bladder problems still…and was prescribed antibiotics…the hospital thinks it’s more serious because since then they have switched antibiotics 3 times because none prescribed aren’t working.

Also, she had a seizure before going.

Fm son’s have been arguing constantly and getting upset at how frequently she goes, and that when she needs to go to the hospital they have to drop what they’re doing to take her. ..and they always argue about who’s taking her…always telling her to call another person. They make her feel like she’s a burden..

So, idk what to do. My mental, physical, emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual, etc…are always in shambles with just the two of us here, but It is in a somewhat “controlled ” environment….

With the new addition and adjustment of her grandchild everyday….I know that will only worsen things and I will end up hospitalized or “worse” frequently. When we heard they duped us today. When fm son told us on the phone..I had a full blown panic, anxiety, and ptsd flare-up and attack…I became very fidgety and couldn’t stop moving and picking at myself or surroundings…and I was rocking back and forth with chest pain…on the verge of crying.

I told them all that if this happens that I would have to leave as it would be too much for me to handle , and also my benefits would be removed from me.. but they didn’t care, basically ignored me, tried to manipulate me, frighten, invalidate, intimidate, gaslight by saying that it’s a terrible world, that I’m too sheltered to realize it because I stay in the house all the time…that I don’t know about how terrible life and people are.

Which is really laughable, sad, and angers me that they don’t know that I’ve had too much experience and knowledge about these things and other harsh life realities and “,lessons” my entire life.

That I basically have it wonderful and comfy…that I wouldn’t survive by myself….that I don’t know what I’m doing…etc… that they would just have to let me go because they have to “protect” their family and their mom.

..that she’s getting older and they need to be in charge of her health in order for her to remain “alive.”

( Like she really has a great life now and would want to be alive many more years if possible. She definitely doesn’t and wouldn’t want to if there was a choice. Which there isn’t a choice or ability to control “death” for anyone)

Protecting her and her life should come in the form of respecting her choices and making sure her decisions for her life are followed through even though they may not agree with her choices.

It means taking all this energy, time, and effort and channeling in into finishing or getting the windows they’ve been promising her they would completely repair since June, as there is rain, wind, bugs, mold forming and coming in …probably contributing to some of fm illnesses and sickness.

She’s been begging them repeatedly to do it to no avail.

Her house is a mess because of it..and things are crowded and cluttered because that room was cleared.

Fm is embarrassed, ashamed, and saddened by the state of her house now..as she’s never kept it like this.

He then told me that I’m not giving them a choice, but an ultimatium…that I’m basically throwing a tantrum because I can’t get my way.. that I’m basically implying that my needs and health outrank their mothers..which needs are more and in more urgency than mine.

Fm even joined in by basically telling me that she doesn’t understand why I can’t suck it up and stay just like she’s doing.

That she doesn’t like it but since her family is telling her this is what she needs , she’ll go along with it.

Protecting her life and her should also mean encouraging fm to set up an end of life plan and wishes with her hospital…so that she wouldn’t have to go to the hospital, nor be resuscitated, nor take medication, nor do anything pertaining to her health that she doesn’t want to do…without her family nor me suffering any legal consequences from not acting in her best interests medically.

I would love to just respect her wishes when she doesn’t want to take medication or go to the hospital..like the many times she doesn’t…but I can’t because I don’t want to experience being further incarcerated and trapped…especially away from where I reside..like I have experienced every day of my life.

Idk what to do. I haven’t any income, no where else to go, nobody…. but if I don’t….I will become sicker…and spiral..

Even now as writing this, my chest hurts and feels tightened…

Maybe I’ll just do what I planned to do anyways if I am forced to outlive fm…

Find the nearest bridge or ocean, make a deal and plea with whatever is responsible for death to please just finally take me, and jump.

I’ve been soo very tired of life and existence since I was a toddler..or before.. it never held and had any allure to me.