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It seems that the more time that goes by, the worse I feel

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  • October 7, 2018 at 2:25 pm #229605
    Fierygator
    Participant

    I’ve been doing some thinking. All the books and such say when you break up it gives you the opportunity to go back and do the things you use to enjoy that you gave up when you were in the relationship. Or go see friends you stopped seeing. The irony for me is that I didn’t do anything before. I worked and took care of my kids. Once every six months I would go to the movies with my friends (something I didn’t stop doing when I was in my relationship). When I met my ex he introduced me to all sorts of fun that I never imagined doing. Motorcycling, jet skiing, weekend trips to cool places, trailer camping, taking kids to all sorts of cool places. Sure some of it I can continue to do, my daughter and I rode around the house on our bikes a bit today. Course I cried in my helmet as I rode around. I hate that I finally felt alive when I met him and was with him. Now just a big ole hole. Missing him is exhausting.

    October 7, 2018 at 4:37 pm #229621
    Fierygator
    Participant

    Actually this isn’t true. I just remembered that years ago I loved to attend renaissance fairs. Specifically a local private one that they put on once a year. It started on a Saturday and ended whenever. I attended when my kids were tiny. Like in the 10 years I attended, I was nursing, pregnant or had tiny babies. Anyway I haven’t been able to attend for one reason or another for several years. This year my oldest turned 18 so I bought tickets for her and I to attend. She’s super excited to go because now that she’s 18 she can stay the whole time (always at 3pm all the kids had to leave). This event is happening next week. I forgot I need to be excited for this. And this time she gets to see the real jousting with actual horses and “knights in shining armor”. This is what I need to be excited for and screw the sadness I’ve been feeling.

    October 8, 2018 at 11:07 am #229775
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Fierygator:

    Make sure your 18 year old doesn’t believe in real life “knights in shining armor”, that she leaves the image of those where it belongs, in the renaissance fair!

    It is a loss, the good, exciting activity time you had with him. That is gone. I remember at this moment, one of the most exciting times I experienced, my first time in Disneyland when I was 24. I was so excited as I went on all the rides I wanted (the lines happened to be short, the weather wonderful). I tried to recreate that excitement by going back to Disneyland again and again. It never happened again, that excitement, the lines were long every time I returned. That first time excitement was gone. It often happened when I tried to re-create an exciting experience.

    I hope you do enjoy the Renaissance fair with your daughter. (I hope you go there with no expectations, to match any excitement of a previous experience).

    anita

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