It started when I was young, and my older brother would play with his friend. I would try to play with them but they ended up ditching me a lot( for example, I liked to play hide and seek, and they would use that to their advantage). I was really quiet in Pre-K, and only had a few friends. I would not talk AT ALL. One of the biggest points in my life was a few years ago. For a few years, we had these neighbors that me and my younger brother would play with. A lot of times they would exclude me, and run away from me, and tease me, and this lasted for a few years. And here I am with what I would consider real friends. The issue is, though, when they try to include me, I usually stay behind because I don’t feel wanted. I also have trust issues, and when something little happens, I’m sad/depressed for the rest of the day. It’s horrible, because they are so nice to me, but I just pull away. I also have anxiety and that doesn’t help. I often question if they are my friends because they feel bad for me. I don’t really have what I would consider “close” friends either.
The behavior you experienced from others, ditching, or excluding you during play, hurt your feelings very much and you believed, as a result of being excluded, that you are unwanted. Now that you have friends that want you included, you still believe the same, that you are unwanted.
Beliefs formed in early childhood are very strong. It is difficult to change such beliefs when they no longer fit reality. So you are stuck (the verb in the title of your thread) with this old belief in a new reality. Changing core beliefs such as this may take quality psychotherapy, a safe place where you express the hurt and fear that hold the old belief in place and proceed from there.
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