Hi there,

I started a job in December and am paranoid I’m not doing good enough. My trainer says I’m doing well and that’s all she says. She says be positive. I’m her first trainee and she has not been very helpful lately. Maybe the reason is I’m on my way out or that I’ve taken over a position that was held by someone who was there for 30 plus years. My trainer said she was the reason she came to work everyday. I feel she has not been training me 100 percent.

Her and her substitute coworker friend go to lunch together all the time. Once in a while they invite me,  but most of the time I join them uninvited. This is because my office manager suggested I go to lunch with the girls to try to fit in. The problem also is that there are about 20 women that don’t really get along. I’ve aligned myself with 2 of the most negative people in the office (my trainer and this other coworker). They constantly complain that our workplace is a “hole”, aren’t getting paid enough, complain openly about their boss, being the office manager. I want to get to know others who are positive and who like being there so I can feel less anxious.

My office manager says she’s received good feedback from the partners i work for so far. I’m afraid the feedback from my coworkers won’t be as positive. I think i’ve pigeonholed myself and want to distance myself from them asap without it being awkward and them thinking that I’m ditching them for the other coworkers.

Also, for the last couple of weeks, I’ve been a therapist to one of these negative coworkers who just dumps all her problems on me. I sit, listen, and empathize. I actually cooked her some dinner to take to her motel because she had some flooding issues at her home. She emotionally drains me but I feel helpful and feel that i’m doing some good in helping her vent. I felt bad afterwards, just heavy. The other day she was stressed and was trying to help me do a task. While she was showing me, she said “maybe some else should be doing this”. This made me feel terrible, like I was basically stupid. Another co-worker came by later and was so upset at what this woman was telling me to do. She said she was meddling because it wasn’t her client. Later, the woman who was trying to help me asked me what she said about her. I kept silent and she stomped away. I tried to be nice to her but she wouldn’t have it.

Basically, I don’t know what to do other than keep showing up. I don’t know what to expect from these women and it’s making me so anxious. I can do the job but the interpersonal relationships are so tough for me. Some people have remarked “Can you handle this job?” well one in particular- the receptionist. Why are women so quick to trample someone and say such unsupportive things? I feel like everyone is “testing” me so they can run to the office manager and tell her their concerns.

What do I do in a situation like this?

Any advice would be appreciated.