I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now, and from about 3 months in, the relationship began to get rocky. We argue at least once a week and it usually results in me saying I no longer want to be with him. I know this sounds excessive, but in the heat of the moment, I really do feel so infuriated that I do not want to be near him or see him again. I do know he loves me and I do feel as though I love him too, but over the smallest things i just get so annoyed and feel as though i don’t want to be with him.  I’d like to give some reasons why i feel i act in the way i do:

– He is as not physically affectionate as me and this is the way he has always been in his life. He did not have any intimate relationships until his late 20s whereas I’ve been in a lot of relationships from my teen years. I’m a highly tactile person with a high sex drive and always have been like that with previous partners, especially with my last, longest relationship which was heavily based on sex, even 2 years after we broke up.

I’ve flagged this to him many times and he has started to become more affectionate but it still isn’t to my level. There have been numerous times over the last year where i’ve tried to kiss or cuddle him or try and initiate sex with him and have been rejected. I feel that this is one of the main reasons i now reject him.

– His sense of humour is quite witty / dry and sarcastic. To me it comes across as he’s being rude. Sometimes its funny but a lot of the time i wished he would put more energy into complimenting me instead of making jokes about me. When i have raised on occasions that the jokes aren’t funny, he says “i’m joking, why are you so serious” and acts as though i’m the crazy one. Note: this is his sense of humour quite generally and he is like this with all his friends. He also has a tone to his voice where its like I’m the most annoying person ever i.e. if i ask him for help with something or get something wrong he will huff and puff like its a massive chore for him.

These two factors have caused several arguments between us over the last few months. My responses to arguments have not been proportionate to the issues posed, and i understand that. Things i’ve said over recent months include:

– My life was better before i met you

– This is why you’re alone and have no one around you

– I don’t think we’re compatible

– I hate you

– I’ve had more adventurous sex with other people than you

– Its getting to the point where you’ve rejected me so much i’m not physically attracted to you

I’ve also screamed at him, walked away from him in public and went home, hit and kicked him out of bed shouting and screaming. Despite all these horrible things I’ve done said, my boyfriend never says anything of the kind back. Instead, he insists we give things another go and we move forward, but then what occurs is that the same patterns emerge and again, he’s not affectionate and being rude. And then i flip out again… and the cycle continues…

I’ve asked him about this and he told me that he can’t just be like that overnight, especially in light of the things i have said. He says i need to “be more patient” but i don’t know how long this will take….

I’m really at a loss as what i should do. He is a great guy and when were having fun he’s amazing. My dilemma is whether i should try and “be patient” and see if it changes (even if it means putting up with him being off with me for however long it takes) or to just nip it in the bud?

Background on me: i have suffered with an eating disorder for over 10 years, was terribly bullied at school, am a highly anxious person (and negative at times)and also suffer from bouts of depression. I had a long term relationship for 4 years with a guy who was the love of my life, who cheated on me whilst i was pregnant. After we broke up, we continued to sleep with each other for 2 years on and off but on his terms and he was extremely rejecting towards me, eventually getting a new girlfriend and leaving me high and dry. I stopped sleeping with my ex in March 2015, and met my new boyfriend in September 2016. 

Thanks, and looking forward to some great advice from you all.