Hi all, I’m new here and I would love some guidance.

My partner (G) and I were together for nearly 8 years. He was my first boyfriend. In March we decided to take a break and I moved into the spare room. 3 weeks later we decided to break up and we lived together until the end of April when I decided it would be healthier for us if I moved out. We have maintained a close friendship since. We text daily, catch up once a week and recently we have started talking about the reasons we broke up and whether we should take a risk in trying again. This is where I’m stuck.

Some background to help you see where I’m coming from:
We were friends for a year before getting together. At the time I was battling anorexia and after we got together he convinced me to see a dr which started a lengthy treatment process. G was with me through all of it, often my only visitor in hospital, trying to make sure I ate when I was home. The condition got quite serious at times and it was hard for him to see me get so sick. But he stuck by me. Unfortunately the illness got the better of me and 4 years into the relationship i started to resent him for being the one thing in the way from letting the anorexia take over and let me leave this life, I didn’t tell him this, we were living together at the time and while we didn’t fight, it was hard to be in a relationship tainted by this and with one taking the role of the carer rather than boyfriend. I moved out and into a place of my own and somehow managed to overcome the disorder and begin gaining weight. We separated for about 2 months when i moved but got back together and things were really good. So after 9 months we moved in together again and everything was going well.
We never fought, but instead we kept any issues between us and then eventually when they did have to come out, it was through email. Which is not healthy and builds a wall for weeks before the email comes.
2 years before this break up, G stopped wanting to be intimate. I tried talking to him about it but he just shrugged it off saying we were both tired and busy and there’s no problem. I tried not to, but I couldn’t help but think there was something wrong with me.
I want to get married and G and I never talked about it because it made him feel uncomfortable. But after 7 years i and his family was starting to want some answers about where we were going and what’s happening, so on new years this year (bad timing i know), we were away on holiday and i asked if we would be engaged this year. His response shocked me. He said he had no intention of ever getting married. I felt humiliated, led on, and like he hadn’t been honest with me about his intentions. I had been open about how I felt about marriage, so I feel like he should have mentioned this to me years ago. With all that we’d been through with me being sick, i never wanted to push the marriage idea and because he’s also a year younger i accepted that it would take him longer than me to come to that point in his life. but hearing him say he had no intentions was like he threw all we had back in my face.
Anyway not long after someone really close to me passed away and G wasn’t emotionally or physically there for me, it was my birthday in the same week as the funeral that I arranged instead of being able to grieve and he did not do a thing to help me, anything I did ask of him he made out to be such an effort. I think this was the main reason I suggested a break. I would be crying in bed and end up on the couch so he could get some sleep, not once did he roll over and hug me.
I know this sounds like he’s done a lot for me and the one time he faulters im giving up on him, it’s not like that at all, i put a lot of work into the relationship, trying to keep the intimacy alive, gifts, cooking, advice, trying to help him understand his dad, being supportive when work came home with him, i did everything i could do on a daily basis to help make his life easier because that’s what I imagined a good girlfriend to do. i don’t rely on him for anything financially or transport or anything like that. Each night we would eat and then we would sit in front of the tv while he would be on the computer or fiddling with something. If i tried to get his attention he would get annoyed at me for bothering him and if i tried telling him something, he would often get distracted by the tv and tune out, i could talk about purple elephants in the room or just stop talking until his attention returned and he’d have no idea what i’d said. this went on for ages. it didn’t help that we are both at uni again and working. the divide between us and the lack of intimacy just had me feeling like he was my older brother and not my partner of 7 years.

Anyway, we have a really strong connection. We both agree that we understand each other better than anyone else and since moving out, he has had some similar crises that he has turned to me for help and i have been there for him in every way I can. We are still best friends and can’t imagine my life without him in it. So in talking about what went wrong lately we agree that communication and being able to tell each other when one does something that upsets us rather than holding it in is something we’d need to work on. He has admitted he wishes he payed more attention, prioritised things differently and took a step back now and then to focus on what was important. Breaking up this time was the hardest thing we both have had to do in a long time. It’s been 6 months and it’s taken this long to stop crying about it. I had no idea it would hurt so much. I asked him again about the intimacy and he said he just thought I was scared of him and that my encouragement was just talk. But that confuses me because I have never had a reason to be scared of him and if that’s what he thought, then why didn’t he try and fix it too?

The dilemma is that what we had lasted so long, despite all the challenges we faced, and it was mostly good. We miss each other and the good parts of our relationship terribly and both agree that there would be things we need to work on if we were to try again, particularly open and honest communication, intimacy, quality time for each other etc. I feel speaking to a professional would help us put a plan in place to prevent from falling back into old habits. But now we’re both over the hardest part of breaking up. We still feel for each other deeply but we’re not sure if we should take this fresh start and remain friends or if we should open up the can of worms again, work on the issues and try again. He has clarified that he is not against marriage, just not ready for it yet. My mum is against me going back to him which is hard because she is the only family I have now and I don’t want this to drive a wedge in between us, she’s so excited at the prospect of me meeting someone new. My friends who saw how hard it was for me to adjust being alone again are worried that going back could be disatrous and they don’t to see me hurt again.

I don’t want to throw away something that was so good, particularly seeing as the connection we have remains so strong even now as we’re friends without feeling like we’ve tried everything, but also, my heart has started recovering and maybe a fresh start is the best thing for us. How do I know im not taking the easy way out and going back to what is familiar?

I’m so confused. Please help!