I’ve been following this site for three years, but have only started posting recently. A year ago, my dad was in the hospital for having a heart attack and almost lost his life. This was not the first time this has happened, but contrary has occurred about six times throughout my life. The only difference is that my dad is now confined to a wheelchair. I’m not even sure why I’m typing this as it is not important to my story.

Growing up, my dad had one father and four mothers (polygamous family) and it was reported by relatives that he didn’t like it. Nonetheless, he has grown to be a person who is addicted to fame and adoration. Unfortunately, he has a hard time showing affection to others. For a long time, I took it personal and thought it was me. Growing up as a kid, he rarely kept his promises and always chose someone else over me. This past summer, I came back to my hometown to help out with him and his medical appointments, but things went sour very quickly with his live in girlfriend. As my dad keeps a lot of secrets, everything is opaque. Nonetheless, he is still highly regarded by the academic community and it feels like to me that my feelings are not validated as I am told by many that I have to be there for my dad and to put aside my issues.

I had a hard time doing this and making matters worse, his partner was being vindictive and did not allow me, my brother, and many friends/relatives to contact him. It took me a long time before I realized that my dad likes pitting people against each other. As a result, I removed myself from the situation fully and haven’t talked to him in almost six months. In hindsight, I realize that my dad is a narcissist. My question is how do I forgive him without speaking to him? My brother chooses to call him 1-2x/month and deals with the manipulation from his partner. I have no desire to talk to her again and as of right now, don’t want to talk to my father again either. He has caused me a lot of pain and I feel used and feel like he doesn’t care about me. I know that may not be true, but it’s how I feel. Nonetheless, I want to move forward from this hurt that has been festering for years, but don’t know how to do so. Any suggestions would be warmly welcomed.