hello  ,

first of all i want to thank all of Admins or site members,who give their opinion about our problems.honestly it helps alot..it means alot to me specially.

i want to share my story here may be i ll find a way for me .and can take a better decision.

i am female  and i am now 21 years old ,i came in europe for studying medicine.

today i want to write here about my and a boy relationship ,lets suppose his name as ‘ B’.so B has many good qualities he loves me like no other person can ever love me like him but on the other side i cant tolerate some of his attitude .

he left me before 15 days as usual and always come back .but i am confused should i let him go forever this time or patch up with him .which we did 7 to 8 times in last 5 years..as somehow my family dont want me to leave him as he is a doctor and respects others alot and he was my eldest sis student too.

i want to share here how i met him what happened so that u can better understand my situation.

when i was 13 years old i was in a language school .i fall in love first time with a guy and he loved me too.we were in  relationship.he treated me too good..we couldnt talk to each other because my sis came to know about my relationship with him so for communication we used to write letters everyday.we wanted to marry .and B was his friend that time and he knew about our relationship.B used to call me his sister .we were like SISTER BROTHR in starting.(it is common in Asia ).my bf went to uk for studying medicine (he is also a doctor in UK now) .he came in his semester break back to country after 18 months .he was too busy he didnt have time for me and he broke up .i begged  him too much and weeped like hell ,tried to commit suicide but failed.i was 15 years old innocent girl that time.couldnt bear that shock.i was in relationship but i even dint even know about word SEX .

well after 15 days of break up i cut all contacts with him .2 months passed  .i was not over with break up iwas broken hearted ,.i was talking to B ,i told him about breakup and about my EX,then B was  indirectly  showing interest in me by saying ,that his mom finding a girl and he want to marry a girl like me ,intelligent beautiful well behaviour etc.

i replied,if he is interestd in me ? he rep ,yes ..i was 15 i thought he is nice there is no problem in it that time he was 19 yrs old . .

after 1 day i replied ok i dnt have issue but he has to wait till i dont become a doctor .he agreed. but internally i had no feelings .i loved my ex and couldnt forget him

but B was very nice he used to bring choclates flowers took me for dinner lunches everyday a new place .i was ok with these but still missed my ex badly .it is natural i know. but there was a big mistake in B whenever i said NO to him for anything he used to get angry sad or emotional.thus i was to afraid to say NO to him.he used to say if i leave him he ll commit suicide .sometime he switched off his mobile for 3 to 4 hours for small things SMALL ARGUMENTS  and i was full of tension .then he used to came back by saying he was near sea and was going to jump in water etc.he used to ask me what i can do for him or am i his?if he can touch my hand i used to say yes thn slowly slowly he asked if i am his than can he touch my vagina ?i had to say Yes bcz he would get angry or sad when i say somthing which he doesnt want to hear. .then B told me about SEX. i remmber we were in a garden at night 7.30 it was dark .he said that girls kiss penis ..i was uncomfortable with these thing .he asked will i kiss his penis ?i said ok then it was a public garden i was feeling terrible bcz i dnt knw wt i m doing i kissd it by the way bt he askd to take tht in mouth …at early age it was shock for me .

when i denied to hug him in lift then he used to talk rubbish with me that i dont want to b touched ,or i dont love him etc ,

he asked me to go with him in a flat which i dint want and then he commited he ll not do any thing with me ,..when i went with him he came over me was touching me and took off my shirt etc ..i was being victim .but i couldnt resist bcz he would get angry and switch off his mble to make me tense by saying for commiting suicide etc …even couldnt leave him bcz he would kill himself.then i asked him i dont want to go in flat i said sorry .because i  was religious girl.and and afraid of GOD ..our relationship came in down phase .he taunt me or fought with me etc ..i was just fed up with him.i wanted to break up .and i did so but my sister knew about our relationship.she used to say me he is good person .each time i wanted to break up my family tortured me .i remmber last time before 1 year when we broke up but my sisters tortured me i couldnt use mobile ,each time i wanted to type a text but my sis asked whom i am texting etc.

he used to taunt me about my ex.he had my fb account password .and my account was mostly open in his mobile i had no pravicy .once i talked to my ex on fb and after that mostly he doubt that i talk to my ex .or boys .there are many other things.it ll be too long if i write everythng here.

but on the other side he loves me also alot.when i was ill.he used to take me to doctor best doctor of my city for check up with his money.spent money for me .sometimes send for me epnsive mobiles gifts etc.he had always time for me .always there for me ,also fiancially.

my family think i am lucky to have him.but how i am going through my life no one wants to understand…he is very nice as a person but the relationship i am having with him isnt healthy i know.each time we broke up,when i commited to somone els and B came again after sometimes saying he loves me and etc..as i came in europe i m too busy bcz of different life style .almost every day when we talkd there was a fight because he thinks i am very much changed from last 2 years and he is right i dont waant to be emotionally black mail now and i am growing up not more that 15 yrs of girl who ll do everything what he wants or  will say what he wants to hear.i lost myself being with him bcz i was never me when i used to be with him,i was a person as he wanted to see me .

he wanted to have  sex with me while  i dint want but i was emotionally blackmailed and had sex at age 17 .he said me that we are going to get engaged that time befor sex and his father is agreed about our relationship he used to tell stories that he talked to his father about me and his father responces and after two days their parents ll cm in my house for our purposal .but after 2 days he told me while weeping that his father dont even know me and thy refused to come and they said after one year thy ll cm fr purposal.

i was totally hurt but what  could i say to that person who is already weeping infront of me .and those all stories were FAKE!!! couldnt believe…

he used to break up mostly and come back or used to drink or said he is using drugs .or he was in hospital.or he was ill..and reason is ME .

before 15 days he texted me that he is going away bcz i dnt have anytime for him etc .and closed his whatsapp account .yestrday he came again by saying he wanted to check my reaction and he loves me .he wants to patch up with me and with some emotionally black mailing but now i dont care.i dint respond him much  ,i m done with thIS drama.he says i dont love him the way he does..now i doubt he is right ..

.at age 18 i was in depression bcz of my life .i used to be alone and dint talk to ANY body ..and i think thats somehow bcz of this relationship..

sometime i think i have also a life apart from this relationship .i want to live my life..what to do ?where to go ?what should  i  do ?

i am waiting for ur responce .THANK YOU