Hey Inky,

Thank you so much for the tips on websites and blogs! From all the research I’ve done, which I admit hasn’t been much since I have been keeping this situation to myself till recently, I’ve only found very disappoint pro-Ana chats all over the web. This actually made me question the value of Internet on matters of health care, since information nowadays is so deceiving – I am now eating properly, exercising regularly both with a professional physician and by myself, I have a nutritionist and dedicate some of my own time into doing a small course in this matter (afraid more Internet will get in the way between me and healthy food habits again!). I also have a psychologist who is helping me out all of the anxiety problems.

I hope one day soon I will have the consciousness of self-worth again, without any body standards getting in between.

🙂 thank you so much for your wisdom and sharing it!

Mary K x

Dear Anita,

I too use the same tricks as you do. In fact, I stopped having any kind of food measurer what so ever at home (not even for cocktails) and neither do I own a scale of any sort. I weight myself once a month with my nutritionist, who owns a PROPER scale and who tells me what the best way to gain proper weight is, without me feeling like I am becoming a puddle of fat. Exercising also has been helpful, although I have to control myself not to go more than 3 times a week, so it does not become more of a bulimic reaction towards calories, rather than a search for a balanced health state.
I also stopped buying clothes at normal stores from normal shopping malls… I’ve also been buying handmade/second hand clothes that are mostly one size fits all.
Nonetheless, I advise you to take such measures in your life like I myself did and helped me release some of the anxiety I felt everytime I had to eat a proper meal.

I’m still searching for hope everyday, and am more than willing to talk about this as much as necessary, if only to feel understood and a little less insane.

Thank you for sharing your struggles 🙂

Mary K x

Hey Katie,

Thank you for some of your ideas into giving out into the world, in order to “feed” your inner self a bit more. I think I will try to follow a few of them myself, even with doing some sort of volunteering or something of the kind.
I think it is difficult at any age to go through these issues, but believe you when you say most therapies or informations are more teenager focused… I have come to believe that for these matters, there is nothing better than the privacy of a therapist who gets to know you personally with no judgments. After I took on all the professionals I previously mentioned, it took me around 4 months to actually start gaining weight and it was a very slow process. Let’s say that in the 7 months I have had with my nutritionist, I gained 6 kg, most of which came all together in the past two months, due to working out and relaxation techniques that wouldn’t allow me to go back into the black hole of “I don’t deserve the food I put in my mouth”. Mostly, forgiving myself for what I have done to myself started being the step I wanted to take, more than anything else in the world. Weight just came alongside with it.

Thank you so much for your tips and sharing them with us.

Here follows a link with a very delicious chocolate mousse sugar free, low carb, healthy recipe written by a lady from your country, who taught me how to make myself some “gifts” for everytime anxiety doesn’t take over or when I am actually able to give back into the world somehow 🙂 : http://deliciouslyella.com/the-healthiest-chocolate-mousse-vegan-gluten-free-dairy-free-sugar-free/

Big hugs from PT!
Mary K x

Dear Anita,

I myself never thought of finding so much support and, unfortunately, so many people going through similar situations. I am very glad my words did not only lift up some of the weight I feel on my shoulders, but brought some light into your life.
As you said exactly, that is my way of taking some control over all that is going on inside my head whenever food comes along. It is knowing that life is great and full of many situations in which I will mostly have no control over (pregnancy here pops up as an amazing example). What I do control is my actions: and if I was able to stop smoking cigarettes (I was a 7 year smoker) in the most stressful situations, I will too control my feelings on this obsession with food and weight, no matter hiw skinny or fat I get.
Yesterday and I say this publicly, my boyfriend left the house. He packed a huge suitcase and he left, saying that he could no longer withstand living both with me and my anxiety, having “no room in the bed” for himself. Since last night, I’ve come to realise how empty I really feel and how I use food as a distractiom or cover up for it. Since he left I haven’t done anything but eating. I can’t entertain myself with anything or feel deeply his absense.
Today I realised finally, that I have to start filling up my own voids with me – finding things I’m good at, that I take interest in, I enjoy doing and redescovering who I am…

So I guess that we all have out mechanism broken Anita, and we might all work in different levels. What is important is that the solution you find fits you 🙂 and truly helps you in pursuit of who you are!

Mary K x