I have been in a relationship secretly with a guy for almost two years. I say secretly because he never wanted anyone to know about me. His reasons were because we live in a very small town and people like to give opinions.  In the beginning the relationship didn’t start off very well. As I had dated prior to this relationship and one of my ex’s had been his friend. “Anthony” would always tell me how he never dated anyone in town because he didn’t like dating anyone other people knew. And had mentioned how he had only been in one real relationship that ended after four years. He had dated here and there after that but nothing serious. He also mentioned that he wanted kids one day. I was honest with him in the beginning and I told him that I was unable to have kids. After I had my twins I made a rational decision to get my tubes tied at a very young age. Despite us both knowing that the kid thing would be a problem we both continued to see each other. We spent the next year and a half on a roll coaster ride. And in that time I completely fall in love with him. Anthony would wine and dine me take me out (outside of town) spend all his free time with me, would tell me that he had feelings for me. But then when it came to a relationship or going out in our town he would say that he couldn’t. And when I would ask why? he would say because in order to have a relationship with me it would mean giving up his dream to have a child of his own. I just could never rap my mind around it. Here’s a guy that would do anything for me everything and anything except being able to love me. I can’t explain the frustration and pain I felt/feel. I haven’t been perfect I’ve made mistakes, and lost my cool. I just always felt like what person treats someone so good but yet is ok with being without them?? I finally broke down recently and told him I felt like I’m going crazy! He either wants to be with me or he doesn’t. He replied to me by saying that it isn’t just black and white and letting me go doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for me but that what he wants out of life isn’t something I can give him. Needless to say I have not heard from him. I can’t help but to feel broken. I feel like someone kicked me in my stomach and took the air out of my chest. I haven’t reached out to him because I want to know that he is in my life because HE chose to be not because I chased him. I’ve talked to close friends and they all tell me that I need to know my worth and until I do I will always find myself giving more than the other person. But how do I find my worth? How do I let completely go of someone I loved and felt like the first time in my life I was being treated right? How do I let go of the fact that here’s is a guy that is such a great guy and would treat a woman like gold but IM not that person he chooses to do that for….. I just feel really lost, broken and weak. I’m trying really hard to walk alone and move forward.