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letting this one go?

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 weeks, 2 days ago.

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  • #325003

    Laika
    Participant

    Hello!

    Been a while since I last posted and would love some insight or advice.

    Basically reconnected with an old classmate about 4 months ago.. And we have been talking a bit on and off from time to time with me usually started the conversation except for him once.

    Basically I have started developing feelings for this guy but feel a bit uncertain about whether he may actually just be leading me on and such.

    He will basically say “Shall we meet”? But then never picks a day and time,  or if I ask to meet then he’ll say he might be able to that day, but then never lets me know.

    The reason I feel a bit confused is he’ll basically say things like he always looked at me at school etc but felt he didn’t have a chance since I had a boyfriend at that time.

    He’s been opening up to me a bit about his past trauma and basically been flirting the last couple of days we have been texting..

    I do feel that normally if a guy is genuinely interested he’ll message you more often (first) even though he do respond right away or with small period of time between responds. And that he would have been willing to meet up..

    So basically I am just wondering if I should just let this guy go ?

     

    • This topic was modified 2 weeks, 2 days ago by  Laika.
    #325017

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Laika:

    Welcome back. I am glad to read that you are posting about a different guy from the one before, and this one is local. This is the good part. He seems interested in you but shy, lacking confidence. What is “his past trauma” that he shared with you?

    anita

    #325021

    Laika
    Participant

    He basically told me that his dad used to beat him if he didn’t perform as good as his dad wanted him to and would often tell him he is grounded which makes him have a bit of anxiety when it comes to presentations and such.

    He basically said that only his family know about it including his psychologist and 2 of his best friends.

    #325035

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Laika:

    “He will basically say ‘Shall we meet’? But then never picks a day and time, or if I ask to meet then he’ll say he might be able to that day,  but then never lets me know”- this is unacceptable behavior on his part, and the fact that his father beat him when he was a child does not change the fact that his behavior is unacceptable.

    It is unacceptable to ask you to meet him, or to agree to meet you, and not follow through with picking a day and a time.

    “The reason I feel a bit confused is he’ll basically say things like he always looked at me at school etc., but felt he didn’t have a chance since I had a boyfriend at that time”- so you wonder why he is not meeting you now that you are available and he does have a chance, and a good chance.

    His reasons: maybe he lacks confidence and is scared that if he meets you, you will reject him. Maybe he has a girlfriend already and is conflicted about meeting another woman. I am guessing, because I don’t know his reasons. What I would do if I was you, would be to tell him that you are frustrated with his behavior (specify it, the first quote in this post). Then tell him that if he doesn’t suggest to meet you in a week, you will figure that he is not interested in meeting you.

    Don’t argue. State the above in a calm, casual way and see if he arranges a day and a time to meet you in the coming week. If he doesn’t arrange to meet you, you won’t have to “let this guy go” because he has let himself go. Let me know what happens, will you?

    anita

     

    #325039

    Laika
    Participant

    Yeah, will definitely do that.. had thought of telling him how I feel but basically that I Know he might not neccesarily feel the same way, but just wanted to get it off of my chest so I can move on.

    But yea, what you said above could definitely be an option, i’ll consider that.

    #325041

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Laika:

    “had thought of telling him how I feel”- he does know that you feel like meeting him, doesn’t he? I don’t think you have to tell him a whole lot about how you feel, just that you want to meet him.

    I am looking forward to read from you again.

    anita

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