1. Hello everyone. I was looking for a place to vent and get some advice. Well I am 26 now, when I was 23 I had gone through my first breakup with my first love, it was painful but I realized we weren’t compatible so it was a little refreshing to start new and focus on myself, however, I started to feep lonely and we were in an off and on relationship about 5 times over the span of a year and a half after our official breakup, I couldn’t let her go even though I knew it would never work. Enter girl #2, I worked with her, she was just about everything missing that I had been looking for, so many more things in common. We started to really like eachother and it was very evident. We started hanging out together and got very close but my anxiety got the best of me and I could not pull the trigger on a relationship, I was still hanging onto girl #1, I lost them both that day. She was one of my soulmates. This was the most painful thing I have ever experienced I thought my life was over, I went into a severe depression for months but I found a reason to move forward. I always told myself that the next one will be the one. Enter that girl, #3, I have always liked her from the beginning, we met two years ago and something about her was so magnetic, however, she was in a relationship and I was going through my things with my relationships. Seven months ago she became single and I was all alone after my failed attempts at love. I decided to message her and we got it off immediately like no connection I have ever felt. I finally for the first time in my life felt completely at home, the universe wanted this to happen. She filled a passion in me like never before, I wanted to conquer the world with her and do all the things I never completed. My life had so much meaning. We’re are complete mirrors of eachother, we are so compatible in every way it’s ridiculous, we’re almost the same person. Our goals in life are thur same.  Everything was going perfect, my true soulmate has arrived, my life was changing for the best. Until one day. She wanted a commitment, and so did I, so I thought. My depression, anxiety, ocd had all came back with a vengeance and so did the thoughts of my ex girlfriend #1. The next few days consisted of one long massive panic attack. I broke and couldn’t take it anymore. I ended the relationship. What I thought was the answer, was not. I had made the biggest mistake of my entire life and I knew it the second she left my car. I made one last attempt two days after and she agreed. She is absolutely in love with me more than the universe itself and i love her too but not in the same way, it feels forced for me,  whatever happened that night it stole my soul and has tormented me since. I am faced with a terrible decision to make. Break up with her and save her from future pain, or sell my soul to make her happy. She would do anything to be with me. But for her sake i need to end it. Either way I realize I will never move on from this, yes I will be that 5% of people that can never move on from the one person.  I truly believe this was my one shot with someone that is perfect for me and truly made me want to be the best version of myself. I have since suffered from severe depression, severe anxiety, I can’t sleep anymore, I have to quit my career job. I can’t move on, it was all my fault because i was not in tune with myself and could not speak up. My life will never be the same. I have lost meaning in everything. I have failed this call from the universe. I don’t know what to do anymore. She was perfect for me and no one can live up to that.

Sorry for the long post, thank you for reading.