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Life after depression – half a year later

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  • May 5, 2015 at 2:11 am #76172
    den385
    Participant

    Hi!

    Background is here – http://tinybuddha.com/topic/life-after-depression/.

    In short (TLDR): I had 10y existential depression, 2y recovery and now I’m alive again. Inner war is over, adapting to normal life.

    So what’s now. I love my job. It’s totally ok. I handle it.

    But eves & weekends kill me with emptiness. I have few friends whom I see once a week or rarer. I have family that loves me but (as often I guess) has little understanding of my life.

    I need to build my world again after it was in ruins for so long. All I have now is profession, few connections and spiritual path. That is not enough. The void persists.

    I seek hooks to further my life. To expand it. To make it stronger.

    And I don’t know where to start from. One close person pushes me to seek harder, to try harder. But I believe that I must not hurry. Neither should I kill time with series or other ‘glue’.

    All I know is that I should listen to myself very hard. Find the long forgotten inner melodies.

    It is hard and I often feel lost, empty, afraid of life’s complexity and scale.

    I don’t want *any* time-wasters. I need to find hidden parts of myself. That is why such things as going to cinema or dating do not feel like a solution to this particular problem.

    I need to revive my sphere of interests.

    I can not do it mechanically – 12 years ago I loved acoustic guitar, gym, poetry. I can not just get back there. I need a living impulse.

    Any experience on the matter of rebuilding inner world (after anything, really) is most welcome.

    Gracias )

    May 5, 2015 at 4:34 am #76173
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi den385,

    Can you go where the other spiritual people are? Like, to metaphysical bookstores/faires? If you see the same like-minded people and they are fairly local, there is a new friend!

    And, at first blush, it sounds like a pain in the azz, but it is never a time waster. Pick a cause, find a need to fill, an organization, a mission ~ and do it! Help! Get involved! Habitat for Humanity, as one of many examples, LOVES to have strong young men on the worksite! Usually you will find other Real people who are very spiritual. They can’t help not to be, after helping others. Listen to your gut. If something calls to you, check it out!

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
    May 5, 2015 at 4:36 am #76176
    den385
    Participant

    Thank you, Inky! ) Pity, but where I am – I’ve experienced little of spiritual people of my kind. Yet, I will explore.

    May 5, 2015 at 9:36 am #76189
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Something in your share and search to rebuild your world reminds me of the original Never Ending Story, a movie 1984. The land of Fantasia was destroyed by the Nothing and all that was left of it was one grain of sand. ALL was gone, all the creatures and the beauty of the vast, limitless land except for one single grain of sand. What now, the child hero asked the child goddess? She said: you can re-build a whole NEW land of Fantasia from that one grain of sand. I am very much in that process at the present time, going back to basics, I think it is about looking at the same things I looked at before, what is in front of me now, with a Beginner’s Mind; not from the points of views of old assumptions, old false beliefs, distorted thinking…. not looking at stuff from what I SHOULD be seeing…

    Does any of this mean anything special for you?
    anita

    May 5, 2015 at 12:30 pm #76200
    den385
    Participant

    The optimism of the story and the beginner’s eyes thing are helpful. Thank you.

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