Dear Rosie:

Think, if you will, of a tree with three areas: roots, a trunk and branches, and please have patience as I try to build an imagery:

“I have a good job… I have a career… I am good with career matters and finances, because in those things you use your rational brain” – think of your job & career as your roots, and of your finances as your trunk. Your job, career and finances make it possible for you to buy what you need so to be physically…  and rationally alive, similar to the roots of a tree making it possible for the tree to get nutrients and water from the ground and the trunk making it possible for the tree to stand upright.

“But I am really not happy…  I just feel so alone” – you have strong roots and a trunk, but only a few, weak branches, and so, you cannot reach the sun with leaves that will capture much sunlight. You have few flowers, and so, you cannot connect much with bees and get pollinated, and you have even fewer fruits, so your seeds cannot be spread far, and the tree does not multiply.

“I honestly would trade everything in to find a decent connection with someone… all I really want is to have a family” – you need branches, leaves, flowers and fruits so to connect with sunlight, bees and birds.

“When I was 7 years old my father passed away and my mother ended up sending me to boarding school when I was around 10” – away from your father, and away from a loving parent for so very long,  many of your young branches fell off, and so did your leaves… and Fall lasted too long.

“I always did whatever I had to do to succeed, whether that meant walking miles to work or hitching a ride to work with a stranger” – you strengthened your roots and trunk, but branches were few and weak.

“It does take me a really long time to open up to people, I’m not exactly sure why that is” – to open up to people/ to connect with the sun, bees and birds with only a few branches/leaves/ flowers/ fruits takes a long, long time.

“It may have something to do with losing my father at a young age” – your father did not send you to boarding school, your mother did. She betrayed your trust, didn’t she? Your father is your last memory of a person you could trust (is he?)

“After college, I moved in with a guy I was dating and his family. They were nice people, but sadly I never felt accepted by them. I think that they judged me by my upbringing and I often felt like I wasn’t good enough for their family even though I graduated from college” – the emotional pain of having been sent away to boarding school, feeling so alone for too long, that pain does not go away in adulthood.

Back to the tree imagery, it’s like you don’t trust the sun, the bees or the birds. You are suspicious of them and cautious…so, you live closed-in inside your strong but dark trunk… too afraid to open up and venture out to the sun and bees and birds (?)

anita

Dear Rosie:

“I’ve heard that your childhood impacts the rest of your life and that in order to grow from it you need to reprogram your mind – by listening to affirmations and thinking positive thoughts” – said better, if I may, it’s about thinking thoughts that are true to reality (with an added tinge of a positive attitude).

“I am still struggling to make and maintain relationships… I don’t feel like I can really trust anyone, because even if someone decides to stick around they can die” – it is scary, I know, the last part. But there is such a thing as deserved trust, that is, there are people who proved over a long time that they deserve to be trusted.

Trust and maintaining quality relationships go hand in hand. One cannot exist without the other.

“As a child I remember promising to myself that I would do everything in my power to be a good provider for my future children, so that they would not have a similar experience” – the child that made this promise is a good child, a child with a heart as beautiful as (going back to my imagery) the most beautiful flower imaginable on a tree!

“That is one reason why I put so much effort into my career” – you are a hard worker, willing and able to put a lot of effort into making life better for your future children… and for yourself (?)

“I am willing to work on myself, if that’s what it takes. I’m just not sure where to start“- I did years of working on myself. Maybe I can help you start. If you want, we can keep communicating for as long as you find it useful.

anita