Home→Forums→Tough Times→Living alone for the first time- it's been hard
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March 22, 2017 at 2:14 pm #141183
dreaming715ParticipantI’m 28-years-old and have always lived with family, an ex-boyfriend, or roommates. I decided to take the plunge to move into an apartment and try living alone. I’ve been living alone for 1 month and it’s had its ups and downs.
The good: I enjoyed furnishing my apartment, decorating, and sometimes having a quiet space to retreat to.
The not-so-good: My anxiety (and sometimes depression) have started to become symptomatic again. When I noticed this I scheduled an appointment with a therapist, which will be next week.
I work full time from home and feel all of the quiet alone time is getting a little challenging. Apparently maintaining my apartment, watching the occasional TV show, and cooking aren’t enough to keep my mind occupied in my spare time. I do see my boyfriend and friends in the evenings several days per week, but it’s still been difficult.
The anxious, intrusive thoughts are what’s scaring me most because I haven’t had it this bad in several years. Sometimes it’ll be too quiet so I’ll put on music, then I’ll get annoyed of the music and turn it off, then I’ll worry about why I was getting annoyed by the music. I think the fear of “going crazy” is common with anxiety and sometimes that fear pops into my mind and I think that I’ll lose control and it’s all because I wasn’t mentally well enough to live on my own.
🙁 I hope this passes and it doesn’t get worse as time goes on.
March 22, 2017 at 5:50 pm #141289
AnonymousGuestDear dreaming715:
I am glad you booked an appointment with a therapist. If it is a new to you therapist, I hope it is a match, and that she/her is competent, skillful and able to help you.
Since you work from home, you have some schedule flexibility, do you? If so, can you take a break each day for a 30 minutes fast walk around? This can do wonders for you for the aerobic exercise and to have it as a daily routine.
Routine is important when anxious, you can experiment with setting more routine activities in your day: the walk, another, maybe 10 minutes of stretching (yoga, otherwise), etc. Experiment, see what works for your routine, what doesn’t, change and stick to what works for you.
Oh, for your routine: a relaxing guided meditation, one per day, that can be wonderful for your routine and for relaxation purposes.
anita
March 24, 2017 at 5:25 pm #141189
NissaParticipantHi dreaming,
I’m 31 and I can honestly say I’ve never had the guts to live alone. So major kudos to you!! That was a very brave thing to do and I hope that you recognize that. I also have issues with anxiety and I’m currently seeing a psychologist about different tools to use when I get intrusive thoughts that I can’t control. It has been helping but I know that I have a lot of work to do. I’m finding that I’m in a rut with my life….all I seem to do is sleep, eat, work, hang out with my bf and his kids and watch TV in my spare time. I found that I’m needing to find a new hobby that holds my interest. I’m hoping that will help my current situation.
One thing stuck out in your post…you also work from home. I worked from home for a couple years and although its a huge money saver I also found myself trapped. I needed the social interaction throughout the day to stay motivated. After a hard day at work you should look forward to go home and relax. It should be a sanctuary of sorts. But since you work there all day and then get off work and you’re still there….there’s not much to look forward to. I’m not sure if you have an option to work from the office but maybe that’s an idea.
Also, you are NOT going crazy. Just remember that anxiety is irrational thoughts that aren’t real. Stay strong and positive.
April 11, 2017 at 8:46 am #144547dreaming715ParticipantThank you for your encouraging responses, Anita and Nissa. I have already had two sessions with my therapist. So far they’ve been helpful. I liked your ideas about getting into a routine. I also think there was an emphasis on knowing that my irrational thoughts are just that: irrational thoughts. That is what I’m continuing to work on most, managing my thoughts and trying not to be in my head all day.
The good thing is, I’ve been living here for about 1 month and 2 weeks and I feel proud thinking, “I’m actually doing this!” I do feel a sense of accomplishment maintaining my apartment and I try to view it as a peaceful place for solitude as much as I can.
April 11, 2017 at 9:03 am #144549AnonymousGuestDear dreaming715:
You are welcome. Congratulations for your one and a half months in your own apartment, maintaining it and feeling a sense of rightful accomplishment.
Keep the routine idea in mind. Regarding irrational thoughts, if your therapy has an element of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)- the principle of the therapy, as I know it, is to examine our thoughts for rationality, or the term used: distorted thinking. When we correct our thinking so it fits reality, we feel better.
anita
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