lonely, recalling the past and coping with suffering in the world

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    Soo I’m back again on this forum… I am having a tough week so I wanted to ask people for advice.
    1) coping with all the suffering in the world – this week has been one of those weeks where I just cry and cry for other people and the Earth (because we’re wrecking nature).. It’s like all the sadness and suffering in the world is in one big cloud over everything I do. It’s always there in my head and so when I’m vulnerable I will just cry for hours about all the terrible things going on. It gets kinda freaky because I imagine things in a lot of detail like car crashes, wars, disasters… I say imagine but it’s kind of involuntary yet I know it’s only in my head (it’s not a hallucination). On wednesday evening I was really sad and the picture of a plane crashing came into my head. I was curled up on the sofa sobbing and shaking as I pictured the people on the plane so full of terror and then their relatives finding out what had happened. the weird thing is that I didn’t know about the transAsia plane until saturday …(because I avoid the news when I am in these moods. It would make me even worse). it’s like I am literally connected to all this suffering and sadness. I need to learn how to stop being overwhelmed by it. How do other people find hope to deal with these things? I have read a bit about Buddhism and mindfulness lately. the idea of accepting suffering as a fact of life seems reasonable but I find it so hard to do that…

    2) I am recalling a lot of painful memories lately which is really difficult. a big one is that two years ago my mum told me she wanted to kill herself. We were talking on the phone and she hung up after saying that. the next few hours were horrible because I didn’t have contact with her but she came home safe. the thing is she pretends it never happened. I have only recalled it lately because I think I blocked it out being so painful a memory. I’m very scared that she still feels this way. she is very volatile and I don’t trust her happy moods. I think there is always anger and sadness underneath. It’s hard to love her because she is very demanding of me. she often makes her happiness my responsibility. and I am a bad daughter ungrateful/cold/demanding/selfish etc etc if I can’t meet her needs. I am very anxious about her being angry or suicidal again. (I am currently at uni but I go home every few months)

    3) I am very lonely also. I just worked out that I only spoke to people for like two hours if that in the past week. And that wasn’t even fulfilling conversation some of that was uni work. I talk to myself a lot so feel like I am going crazy 🙁 and I project onto other people SO much – like I miss my counsellor real bad but that’s just because she was the only person I spoke to at a deeper level in months. And I think that if I do start to make friends I will become super attached and vulnerable…. I don’t know what to do really. I am very anxious socially yet need human connection

    so yeah that’s me right now …


    I recently have lost both my spouse and my father (to death) within the year. Although well meaning people have great answers to “fix” this, the loneliness and loss is not imaginable unless one has walked this journey.

    The best way I know of getting “out of oneself” is to do something for the needy. It could be to visit a nursing home, work at a food bank, and since you are lonely, to visit the lonely. Some people cannot get out at all and do things due to age, etc. You could make a huge difference in their life. Maybe you have a relative or elderly neighbor that is very lonely.

    Committing to doing this thing on a regular bases I believe will help. Plus you might meet some incredible wonderful people.
    Take good care of yourself, too. Yes, the world is a very needy place as you are aware.

    Namaste and Blessings, Irene


    Dear Mia,

    M so sorry that u r going thru so much pain sweetie. I will try my best to help u out.

    1) As for ur imagination about sufferings in the world, I suggest u to practice mediation and yoga. It helps in clearing negative thoughts and imagination. Read, listen and see positive stuff. Try to do things that makes u happy. U can also enroll for social service activities. By providing social service, u yourself can ease sufferings of some people.

    2) M extremely sorry about ur strained relationship with ur mom sweetheart. But, by ur sayings, I guess ur mom is in need of help. Communicate with her more often. Try to find out what exactly her problem is, why is she behaving in such a manner. Try to find out the reason behind her anger, sadness and volatile behaviour. Professional counselling may help u and her in that, probably a psychologist.

    3) For ur 3rd problem, what shall I say dear. I myself feel lonely. Frankly speaking, I am an extremely introvert person. I find it very difficult to talk with people unless its work or studies related. Coz of this I have very limited friends. I even find difficult to talk with my relatives after I see them in a long time.
    I m assuming that u aren’t a shy or introvert person.
    Making friends won’t make u vulnerable, sweetie. Infact it will help u open up more. U will need human connection in ur life apart from ur parents. So, u should attach urself with people and make friends. Talkin to ’em will loose ur burden, help u feel better, and they will help u out in ur toughest times. I can understand the nervousness part, as I myself feel the same. U can join clubs in ur uni that interests u. This will enable u to meet people with same interests and u wud be able to make more friends. U can go to clubs, pubs and other social places which can help u make more friends. Talk to ur classmates regarding studies and slowly start informal conversations with them. Talk to more n more people and come out of comfortable box.

    I am trying to do the same. Its very difficult, but seems promising.
    I sincerely hope that my ideas and suggestions help u. If u further need to talk or if u want a pair of ears to listen to u, m always by ur side. don’t forget it.


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