Just one thing: You are neither a loser, nor a failure, no matter what the people around you or your inner critic say. The way to get back to the life you had before is to start to believe in your worth and your capabilities. It seems like you’ve lost this. What is it that makes you happy? What is it that you want to do in your life? What do you want to create? What is joyful for you? And, who are you without the voices around you? Try to figure out those questions. You deserve an amazing life. And you are enough the way you are right now! Do you believe when I say this?

It felt like you stepped inside my heart and wrote my story. Change the profession and age, and you captured how I have been feeling. If I had fantastic advice for you, I would likely have resolved my own worries. All I can offer is that I can feel your despair and disappointment – I know how much it hurts. I know how the fear of rejection and failure loom like a black cloud over every possibility. It is difficult to dream big when all you see are the ways that you are certain to fail this time around too.

I do have good advice, but it wasn’t mine. My first dream job ended up as a nightmare. The boss was unpredictable, cruel and a bully. I did everything in my power to please her. I failed. In those desperate weeks, I met with a friend who insisted that I leave the job. I had lost 25 lbs in a month, and I was an emotional wreak. She promised that at this rate, it would kill me.

I followed her advice, but as I packed up my first office into a box, I was overwhelmed with a sense of failure. When I called her and told her I was jobless, she screamed with delight. She said, “Now that you won’t die, you can start to live!” Then she said, “First, you need to cope with the crushing disappointment and panic.” In the bluntest of terms, she said, “fake it”. “Live your life like you would tell your best friend to live hers”. Get out of bed, put on the clothes that make you happy. Look like the professional grownup that you want to be. Do your hair and make up. And smile. Smile at strangers – most will smile back. Those who don’t, probably need your smile more than you could possibly understand. Get out of the house, and get involved in your community. Just do it. You will help people whose hearts are heavier than your own, and it will fill your heart with light. Even if it doesn’t at first, you have a body, use it to help others. Your heart will follow.

The most important advice was this. She said that you MUST attack every negative thought head on. Whether it is about yourself or somebody else. Negative thoughts are dangerous – they cascade – like dominos until you are afraid to be alone. I suspect that is where you are now. It sounds silly, but it works. If you look in a mirror and see, “Ugly”, say outloud “Love that nose. People would pay $1000s for that perfect sniffer”. Heck, give it a wee kiss in the mirror. That silly exchange will make you feel ridiculous and comical, but it will not lead to the next thought. It also takes energy – eventually, it is more effort to think negative thoughts than to keep your mind at rest.

She was right. Of course. Let me tell you. Life has its ups and downs. When they do, I hear her voice telling me to “fake it”. I smile because I know what she really meant was “don’t give up”. So I will share that advice with you. Face it. Make your body and mind do what you need it to do, your heart will certainly follow.

Above all, sleep well, eat well and exercise. All great advice you will hear from others… but it all boils down to the same thing. When you can’t bring yourself to try anymore… fake it 🙂

i suffering from depression anxiety(more anxious about future, what wrong going to happens in my life and i am a mad my life is gone or waste something like that) and worries tension i cannot live a good life and i don’t want anything in this world no enjoyment and suffering too much so i want recover from this any one can help me?

Littlebean, you are still very young with a lot of things to come including changes that will be good. I agree with the poster who said “fake it until you make it”. I go to work with a smile on my face even when I have just finished crying about something and usually I actually feel better a little later. Maybe a counselor could help you sort this out if you feel like you are so depressed that you cannot fully function. Being sad is one thing but when depression inserts itself into your life enough to affect your school, work or relationships negatively then it could be time for some outside help. There are counselors out there who work on a sliding scale basis, so hopefully you can see someone even if you do not have health insurance to cover it. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself, life is a marathon not a sprint and this difficult time will at some point become your past.
PS-you might be interested in my reply to wellwisher on this thread.

Littlebean, the timing of your post couldn’t be more perfect. I’m 33, but can identify with how you are feeling. I too had what I what I thought was my dream job before it turned into a nightmare. By the end, I was sleeping 3 hours a night, checking e-mails at 4am and lucky if I was able to stomach 1 meal a day. It was actually my boss that made me realize that this wasn’t the job for me and helped facilitate an exit plan that was beneficial to everyone. While there is no doubt in my mind it was the right thing for me, I never could have prepared for the impending sense of loss and failure that would accompany it. I had always been extremely successful in my career: multiple promotions, outstanding reviews and awards. So while “publicly” it was my decision to leave, knowing that I was encouraged to resign is a secret that has been slowly killing me. So many people have told me how brave I am to take time off without a plan and the guilt just eats away at me knowing that I don’t deserve their admiration. If they only knew the truth, that I failed and just wasn’t good enough. I do everything I’m supposed to: work out, network, volunteer and even went on a yoga retreat. But I hate myself more and more every day that goes by where I’m not working. I do everything I can to be avoid being alone, even if it means just walking for hours. Otherwise, I just spend my time crying and being angry at myself. I don’t want to burden my friends or family, so I exhaust myself trying to pretend I have everything together. All of my friends are married, have children or are engaged, so as a single person my job was my identity. Without it, I don’t feel like I have a purpose.

Littlebean, my heart breaks for you, because you are still so young and have so many opportunities ahead of you. I know that it is difficult to see, but this is truly just the beginning for you. Your boyfriend sounds like a wonderful support system and hopefully he can keep reminding you how talented and special you are. I wish you the best and try to learn everything you can from this detour. It’s so hard to embrace change when you aren’t sure what the lesson is. Just know that one day it will be clear.

You know what, go and try to find out who you are and what you like and you might find out that you’re still an artist. Nobody can take that away from you. You unique way of expressing yourself is yours and will always be yours. I think what we have to try-and it’s really hard-is to seperate the art from the expectation and praise and success that we hoped to achive. I don’t know what you do exactly but do you love doing it, even if nobody ever looks or ever cares? Just do it for yourself, express yourself! Maybe you will end up not being an artist as your main career but nobody can tell you to stop expressing yourself. Or maybe you will be creative in a completely different field. You’re young. There’s plenty of ways to be an artist. And I actually really do believe, if that’s the kind of person you are, you will be an artist, no matter what. Maybe you won’t be an ingenue. Maybe thinks will happen for you much later in life. And another thing that is really hard to learn is: it’s not your fault. If you don’t make it it doesn’t mean you were not good enough. Do you think the celebrities, the famous people, the ones who officially “make it”, do you think they are the best of their generation??? For every one of them there’s a girl somewhere with twice the talent, twice the passion who never got a brake. That’s really shitty. Art has no rules, no facts, it’s about peoples tastes and contacts and luck …. At the end of the day, whatever it is you do, do it for yourself. You have something special and unique to offer. If people don’t want it-their loss. I know it’s tough because we tend to need sooo much validation as artists. But why did you first get into it? Not for other people. You just love it, it’s a part of who you are and nobody can ever take that love away from you