May 21, 2022 at 2:29 pm #400893
I don’t think I can get my life on track. I don’t feel desperate. Just dismayed really.
I had some neglect and abuse which i dissociated and hadn’t processed. I married someone I wasn’t suited to and tried to have a family. But I didn’t realise that people who harmed me followed me up. It ended up with me having nearly 30 years of mental illness, and being gaslighted by family which was compounded by overmedicating and overlooked trauma. I finally realised I was being gaslighted and was traumatised, so tried to tell several pdocs but was not believed and was overdrugged again which affected my skin, digestion, and hormones etc. In the end I reduced much of the dose of drug and am thinking much more clearly.
The thing is I have a lot of growing up to do which is challenging in middle-age. Plus I was indoctrinated into a religion when I searched for meaning for what was happening to me.
The big problem at the moment is I reported some things and I realise this post may invalidate my complaint but I’m up against it and and I think a lot of people are likely already hating me and this situation. Can anyone advise on the moral issues of forgiveness, whether to contact people who gaslight you or just let go/ignore, whether to report, and how to extricate oneself from religion or aspects of it which you don’t agree with???
I know that’s a lot of different things but grateful for any thoughts. Thanks for taking the time to read this.May 21, 2022 at 3:09 pm #400895
I read your post and I want to give your it all the time and attention it deserves. I will be able to do so tomorrow morning my time (in about 16 hours from now). I may submit a short reply in a few hours before replying at length in the morning.
* If you share more details, it would help me understand better, but if you feel uncomfortable doing so, it’s okay- I’ll reply later nonetheless.
anitaMay 21, 2022 at 4:50 pm #400897
Thank you for replying.
I think I’m.being or may be scapegoated and because noone wanted me to talk about anything, but instead denied anything had happened to me, and told me I thought things had happened due to mental illness ( and it wasn’t).
It seems now a lot of people don’t want to talk to me, but it was a no win situation. It seems I was expected to stay mentally ill because others wanted me to.
I I lost relationships, hopes, educational opportunities etc, health. I don’t think some of these people will be happy until I’m dead. I tried religion but this broke down when I noticed that some things in the Bible didn’t make sense and realised there’s circular reasoning in the NT. Plus although there’s goodness in it, there’s also hate and seemed that there was discouragement to think for yourself.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Also, I’d be grateful if you could offer any explanation for the concept of evil spirits. I realise I’ve made lots of mistakes and judged things wrongly at times but the medicine I was given has been known to affect judgment and I couldn’t comprehend that for years this had gone on. Several things happened to make me give up wanting to work on some relationships. I think I should have walked away a long time ago. I don’t think there’s much time left.</p>
May 21, 2022 at 7:59 pm #400901
I will be back to you in about 11 hours. For now I wanted to say two things:
“I reduced much of the dose of drug and am thinking much more clearly” – congratulations for accomplishing this!
“The thing is I have a lot of growing up to do which is challenging in middle age” – thinking much more clearly than before will make it possible for you to accomplish a lot of growing up in the next few years.
It is not too late to grow up in middle age, I know this from my own personal experience of growing up in middle age.
anitaMay 21, 2022 at 8:01 pm #400902
*correction: whitelily.May 21, 2022 at 10:30 pm #400904
Thanks for your reply. I should have said that I keep having amnesia over certain things, I am still taking a small amount of the drug because I didn’t want to suddenly withdraw.May 21, 2022 at 10:31 pm #400905
(at least I think it’s amnesia. I’m not that knowledgeable over that and dissociation).May 21, 2022 at 10:35 pm #400906
(which I think could possibly be due to a head injury and/or c-ptsd and maybe even partly the drug)May 21, 2022 at 11:30 pm #400907
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Also I was trying to understand a very difficult situation, and maybe I need to step back. It’s ok if you would rather not comment. I won’t take offence.</p>May 22, 2022 at 7:45 am #400911
You mentioned suffering from cptsd in your post before last. In your original post you shared that you suffered from abuse and neglect, that you dissociated from it, and therefore did not process it. I will refer to this abuse and neglect as your Trauma, part of your Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (c-ptsd).
For many years, the medical establishment overmedicated/ overdrugged you while overlooking your Trauma (“overlooked trauma“). When you tried to tell doctors about your Trauma, they didn’t believe you and prescribed more drugs for you (“was not believed and was overdrugged again”).
Your family gaslighted you, which means: they denied your Trauma, telling you that it didn’t really happen, that you only imagined it happening because you were mentally ill (“denied anything had happened to me, and told me I thought things had happened due to mental illness”).
You have been gradually reducing the amount of prescribed drugs that you take, currently taking only a small amount, and as a result, your are “thinking much more clearly“.
You also shared that (1) having been overly medicated, your judgement and comprehension were negatively affected (currently much improved), and your physical health was damaged: your skin, digestion, hormones, and more, (2) that while you were searching to understand your Trauma, you were indoctrinated into a religion which harmed you further because it didn’t make sense, it applied circular reasoning (a faulty reasoning), discouraged you from thinking for yourself and promoted a mix of goodness and hate, and (3) that you married someone you were not suited for.
You shared that the big problem for you, currently, is that you “reported some things” and that you think that a lot of people are hating you for this reporting and they do not want to talk to you.
You asked: “Can anyone advise on the moral issues of forgiveness, whether to contact people who gaslight you or just let go/ignore, whether to report, and how to extricate oneself from religion or aspects of it which you don’t agree with???… Also, I’d be grateful if you could offer any explanation for the concept of evil spirits” –
– (1) in regard to Forgiveness: I wouldn’t try to forgive anyone who denies my real-life experience/ gaslighting me. Instead, I will establish no contact with anyone who gaslights me, (2) in regard to Reporting- if you report an unjust practice or situation that is harming people, then it’s the right thing to do, and you are a good person for doing so. At the same time, see to it that you don’t unnecessarily risk harm to yourself or to innocent others by the reporting- make it confidential, if possible,
(3) regarding Extricating yourself from relgion or aspects of it: if the religion does not allows a member to exricate oneself from certain disagreeable aspects of it, then extricate yourself from the religion as a whole. There are support groups for people who find it difficult to extricate themselves from a religion, see Recovery from Religion. org, which offers support groups, live online talks and referrals to secular, evidence-based therapists, (4) in regard to evil spirits- demons and such, non-physical entities referred to in the bible and depicted in science fictiona and horror movies- I don’t believe that they exist.
You are welcome to respond to this post, to let me know if I understood correctly, if anything of what I suggested is helpful, etc.
anitaMay 29, 2022 at 8:04 pm #401494
How are you, whitelily?