Hi,

I’ve had a difficult year consisting of a breakup from a long term relationship, severe family mental & physical health issues, depression and somewhat of an eating disorder. Part of me thinks that a lot of my issues come back to a lack of interest and activity at work. I have way too much time on my hands — I’m even writing this from my desk, now.

My company is a start-up organization so there is a severe lack of structure that we are currently improving. Things are getting better, but as most start ups (and advertising agencies, which we also are) there is an ebb and flow. Periods of hectic business and very long slow periods. I feel that because I’ve been at my job for a while now, I’ve learned where to “cut corners” and not waste my time, therefore processes have gotten faster. We just finished up a huge project, but I feel like besides that, things are pretty slow.

I feel this extra time at work gives me too much time to think. I often spend time here working on a side project of mine, even redoing my website, resume and cover letter to apply to other jobs. Part of me feels guilty for occupying my time in this way, but another part of me doesn’t know what else to do! I often scour the internet (which is coincidentally part of my job, which makes it hard to cut out), watch videos and even one day it was so slow and empty in the office that I watched Netflix from my desk!

I want to find a new job, and I’m working on it — but I don’t want to make a hasty decision when something like this is my livelihood. I also just got a new puppy and I need to move in with my new roommate before I get a new job in order to make sure she’d be taken care of on my lunch break (if I get a new job, no other agencies in my city would be close enough to my apartment for me to come home at lunch besides the one I currently work at). I’m even considering jobs across the country.

I am in a fragile state in my life, and there’s a blend of not changing my circumstances TOO much in fear of losing any emotional stability, but also knowing that sometimes you just need a huge change to thrust you into a new chapter. I’m at sort of a cross roads. I just hate having SO much time on my hands, to the point where I’ve irritated and gotten in arguments with friends by texting them too much with all my free time.

FWIW, in the past I’ve taken many initiatives to start new projects and create extra work for myself, and it either crumbles or never sees the light of day. Hence the whole “cut corners” comment earlier — I don’t even bother wasting my time.

Anyone have any ideas or advice? Have I lost motivation because I’m depressed? Or am I depressed because I’ve lost motivation — or both? I enjoy a busy day at work, even if it exhausts me mentally I feel accomplished. However, too much stress is difficult for me to handle at this time in my life. Should I just tough it up and find a new job?