Home→Forums→Relationships→Lost the love of my life
- This topic has 30 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 6 months ago by Anonymous.
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May 8, 2018 at 9:46 pm #206405AnonymousInactive
Thank you michelle for sharing your story with me. Wow what you said about how your relationship started really resonated with me, it was almost a mirror to mine and B’s. I felt exactly the same, and it was also a real low point in my depression, I’d also just lost my home and someone close to me and I was very stressed, depressed and anxious. B was very flirty and as soon as we connected he made me feel So loved. He promised me everything and even said he was going to work to get the love out of me. Because I had explained that I can be closed off. I was so honest with him from the start, I told him all about my depression and anxiety and told him that if he wanted to walk away now, then I understood. He said I was worth the extra work though and that’s when I started falling in love. So many red flags that I ignored though. I feel like an idiot but I know it’s not my fault. The thing I miss about him most is the way i thought he loved me; it was all a lie though. His words told me they loved me his actions did not. He’s really screwed with my heart and head, I just hope he hasn’t set me back. I’ve really been working on myself lately trying to feel some self love and worth. I’m trying not to let him knock that back down and I’m really trying not to throw the brick wall back up around my heart. That’s the only thing to come out of this…for the first time in my life I’ve actually opened my heart up and i’ve dealt with a hell of a lot of feelings and emotions that id shut out for years and were crippling me. I really thought id found ‘the one’ with him though 🙁 I feel exhausted by it all now and a little lost. I’m fed up of feeling this way. Not an hour goes by that I don’t cry and that i don’t feel that awful gut wrenching heart ache pain, it’s making day to day life very hard atm
May 8, 2018 at 9:52 pm #206407AnonymousInactiveDear anita thank you i just read your response. I think, deep down, i hoped i had found someone that would take my pain away by filling my life with love and happiness. When I was with him, actually in his company, I felt as though I were in a bubble. The real world was locked out for a short time. That sounds so sad and pathetic now I have written it down 🙁
May 9, 2018 at 3:28 am #206427AnonymousGuestDear fullOfRemorse:
You wrote: “I felt so comfortable and safe with him… he made me feel So Loved.. I hoped I had found someone that would take my pain away by filling my life with love and happiness… I felt as though I were in a bubble. The real world was locked out”.
You felt those things. This is then what he represents for you, these very feelings, that heavenly bubble.
He represents to you these feelings because you actually experienced these feelings with him. Nothing motivates us more than what we feel. It is intoxicating to feel comfortable and safe, loved, no pain, love and happiness. No wonder you want more of it.
Problem is reality doesn’t back up these feelings. You felt them but reality doesn’t match. He gives you the silent treatment, plays games, pushes and pulls, disapprove of your reasonable choices (to slow down and postpone meeting the kids) and as a result you are miserable.
But you remember how good it felt and you want that feeling back.
If you could distinguish between how you felt being an inner experience (one that you desperately desired as a child and since) and the outer experience (who he is), your choice will be easier.
anita
May 9, 2018 at 5:15 am #206463AnonymousInactiveHe told me this morning that he loves and cares for me massively but that time is precious and that he doesn’t want to waste any more of it on me. That was so very hurtful to hear. I dont understand how someone could say something so cruel to another human being, let alone to one they say they love. I just need to heal now. But I don’t know how
May 9, 2018 at 5:41 am #206471AnonymousGuestDear FullOfRemorse86:
Notice how easy it is to say these words: “I care for you massively”. You can say it yourself right now, these five words. How long did it take, how much energy did it take out of you?
So easy, so quickly. This is why we have to consider people’s ongoing effort, over time so to know what really is going on. All the things he told you in the past, things that felt good… but then, those things were never materialized.
You wrote that you need to heal now. I sure hope you do. For that purpose, please reconsider the title of your thread “Lost the love of my life”- reconsider this man being the-love-of-your-life.
You may want to reconsider your username as well, full-0f-remorse. I don’t see any wrongdoing on your part in the context of the relationship with this man, therefore what is the remorse about?
anita
May 9, 2018 at 7:54 am #206495AnonymousInactiveI ended it first, when he was being too pushy. I realised after just 1 week though that I love him and miss him and that I want to try and atleast work on our relationship. He was begging me the whole time during that week not to leave him. That was a month ago, and for those 4 weeks he has been stringing me along it seems, saying that he will consider us getting back together. Now he doesnt want to waste anymore time on me 🙁
I can accept his decision, in time I’ll probably see that it was for the best, but I’m finding it hard to cope with this pain right now
May 9, 2018 at 8:10 am #206499AnonymousGuestDear FullOfRemorse86:
It is difficult, maybe impossible, to think clearly when feeling such pain. We need pain to diminish before we can think clearly, need distance from the events that triggered that pain.
I hope you get that distance and when your pain goes down, your clarity will go up.
anita
May 9, 2018 at 11:09 am #206531MichelleParticipantI’m glad you could relate. I feel you and I have been through similar emotions. It’s hard.
I even forgot to mention that my guy got married two months after all this, which further played with my mind. I was moving on and then when I found that out, it set me back and made me question everything. Not just everything with him but everything with other people I have since met too, which isn’t fair to a potential future love. I just can’t comprehend that kind of callous, cold behaviour when playing with someone’s heart (mine or the new wife). I am ashamed too at what I permitted to enter into my life.
I agree with Anita that this wasn’t the love of your life. He provided brief comfort and assurance when you needed it (which is why you fell hard) but ultimately someone better suited for you and your family will come along. Never sell yourself short on that.
May 9, 2018 at 11:28 am #206533AnonymousInactiveThank you Anita and michelle. I’ve blocked him completely now incase he tries to contact me again, I cannot do this anymore despite how hard it is. I still work where I met him (thankfully he no longer does) and it’s so hard as so much reminds me of him there. A lot of the ‘firsts’ between us. Do you think that I would be foolish to look for a new job? I’m not sure if it’s being too dramatic. Atm though it’s killing me this week going in every day. I can’t seem to escape him – at home or at work everything reminds me of him
May 9, 2018 at 11:41 am #206535AnonymousGuestDear FullOfRemorse:
I don’t think it is a good idea to change jobs just because the work place reminds you of him. After all can’t change everything (“everything reminds me of him”).
No contact with him is an excellent idea, congratulations for blocking him.
I see it as a probability that if he was in your life, there would be plenty of the pain you have already experienced with having him in your life so far. Your children, you shared, already witnessed that pain.
I don’t think you clearly see what I believe is true: that it is a good, good idea to leave him behind and close the door.
Post again anytime and when I am at the computer, I will reply.
anita
May 14, 2018 at 10:19 am #207261AnonymousInactiveHi 🙂 I’m really struggling today. I felt okay over the weekend, the pain was still there but I felt I had accepted that the relationship had come to an end and felt a certain positivity about it. However as soon as I woke up this morning I felt that crushing feeling again. Haven’t stopped thinking of him all day and had to stop myself crying a few times. On my lunchbreak when I checked my phone he had messaged me for the first time since I cut contact saying “I can’t stop thinking of you” I was elated and before I even thought about it I had replied saying I felt the same. Lots of thoughts were racing through my mind, we always seemed to be feeling or thinking the same while we were in a relationship, it was uncanny. Hearing him mirror what I had been going through all morning really got to me. I was left feeling that he is definately the one, my soul mate etc etc. However he’s read it and not responded. I feel utterly down and heartbroken again. I feel again, like I don’t know where I stand with him. All my resolve and positivity has vanished. I miss him so much it hurts. Why would he say that if he didn’t mean it? I’m finding it hard to understand his motives. Should I message and ask him why he sent that?
May 14, 2018 at 11:02 am #207309AnonymousGuestDear FullOfRemorse:
The first indication of his anger at you is in your original post: “2 months later we had a huge argument because of my unwillingness to commit”- he was angry at you then.
It is possible that he still is angry at you and that the few weeks of stringing you along, including this recent message is about hurting you. When a person feels anger, the natural motivation is to hurt the object of one’s anger. Animals do that, it is an animal’s anger that motivated the angry animal to fight, that is, to physically harm another animal
It may very well be that he is trying to hurt you, to punish you.
Can you imagine, that his message “I can’t stop thinking of you” is meant not to reach out to you with love, but to hurt you?
You “feel utterly down and heartbroken again”- success, on his part, if I am correct.
anita
May 14, 2018 at 11:02 am #207311MichelleParticipantMy only remaining advice will be “don’t be a fool”. I still feel the door needs to be closed and remain closed. You will cause yourself a world of hurt if you continue.
May 14, 2018 at 11:06 am #207313MichelleParticipantI’d also like to add that this is sounding like another post I was recently in … I don’t think this man has deep feelings for YOU as a person. You could probably be interchangeable with anyone else. What this man loves is the attention, gifts and money you lavish on him. He reached out to you to see if he could get a reply to stroke his ego. He got it and is now satisfied. You deserve more than that. This whole relationship is one-sided and not in your favour.
May 16, 2018 at 12:47 am #207581AnonymousInactiveYou are both correct, thank you again for your input. I’m going to try and work on myself to help me get over him, instead of relying on his (or anyone elses) love and attention to feel better about myself. I’ve booked a Drs appointment to discuss my anxiety and depression 🙂
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