August 26, 2013 at 9:35 am #41183KristenParticipant
I’m starting out into a new relationship. We have been dating for about two months now and at first I tried to be very nonchalant about the whole situation. Denying my feelings, etc. However, we are starting to be more open with each other and our feelings are becoming more evident. I can feel myself thinking about her a lot and I don’t want to become obsessive over love. It has ruined my past relationships because I become addicted to the feelings. Does anyone have advice on how to still be open but be able to control my feelings/thoughts?
I don’t want to ruin this relationship by throwing everything off balance.
August 26, 2013 at 2:43 pm #41213SaraParticipant
- This topic was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Kristen.
I completely understand where you are coming from. Falling in love is so scary yet exciting, fun, and amazing. I first would encourage you not to suppress your feelings, but to try and experience them and enjoy them as they come. As we all know, that “butterflies and rainbows” type of new love doesn’t last forever, so enjoy!
On point to your question though: In order for anyone living in the human condition to love someone else in a healthy way, they must truly love themselves first. This may sound easy and cliché, but it is a struggle for most humans. Ask yourself-who is Kristen? What does Kristen love to do alone that makes her happy, fulfilled, and thankful for a relationship with her best person, herself? I ask this because I am on the same journey. I realized (after a long and painful ended engagement) that I was so out of touch with myself and had no life of my own. Due to this, I sought everything I needed to do for myself…in another person. And boy, this usually does not go well. Not to mention the pressure we are putting on our significant other by asking them to be our sole source of heart’s nourishment. So, without going on and on, look into yourself and make certain that YOU are your #1 relationship. If you feel that this is a struggle for you, one thing that has helped open my eyes is to read: “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie. If anything, this book might help you determine if you might tend to over-depend on others for happiness that only you can create in your life. Give it a shot, I got the book from my local library. Also, please know that there are support groups available to people who think they might be love addicts. This is a very real thing, and the first step toward recovery is admitting it. I bet that with a little Google searching, you can find either a face-to-face meeting or even a telephone meeting to listen in on. You can Google “SLAA”, sex and love addicts anonymous. I have done so, and I have found comfort in knowing that I am not alone and this is actually very common. No matter what you choose to pursue, know that I’m happy for you, proud you reached out, and wishing you happiness and an abundance of healthy love!
SaraAugust 26, 2013 at 3:23 pm #41215